Ralph woke up to his alarm clock going off. He was having a bad dream – the homeless man in the park was kidnapping him.
He threw on his grubby shorts and T-shirt. Ralph didn’t have a matching pair of socks so he wore odd socks under his sandals.
Ralph grabbed a doughnut and his backpack and went out the door. On his way to school, bullies started to chase him so Ralph took a shortcut through the park.
He turned back to see if they were still chasing him and he bumped into the homeless man from his bad dream.
Ralph recognised the man and gasped. He dropped everything and ran. Later that day, he was walking home from school and the homeless man approached him.
“Here’s your bag back,” he said in a very Batman-y voice. “But I kind of ate your doughnut because I was hungry.”
“Oh thanks!” Ralph said, surprised. “I’m Ralph. Are you Batman?”
“I’m better than Batman, I’m Jeffman!” the man replied.
Ralph nearly wet himself because he thought Jeffman was a real superhero. Ralph skipped home excitedly, delighted with his new discovery. He had just met Jeffman, the most awesome superhero of all time. Ralph’s parents were away on a cruise. They had left Ralph’s irresponsible older brother Bill in charge. Bill had gone to his friend’s house and left Ralph on his own. When he got home, he took out his old gym clothes. He heard a buzzing noise from one of the pockets. He put his hand in the pocket and withdrew it quickly as a fly ferociously flew out and released its wrath.
Ralph grabbed his sleeping bag and his emergency bag of doughnuts. He jumped out his escape route, out the window on to the trampoline. He bounced off the trampoline, slid down a slide (really slowly) and skidded across the grass into a hedge. By the time he pulled himself up it was dark.
It was time for bed so he went to the park as he had nowhere else to sleep. Ralph found a park bench and lay down in his sleeping bag. He lay awake for a couple of hours. After eating his last doughnut, he finally fell asleep.
Ralph woke up to Jeffman poking him with a stick.
“Ow! Go away!” Ralph said.
When Ralph realised it was Jeffman, he offered him his last doughnut crumbs and his sleeping bag.
Jeffman said, “No, it’s okay. You’re sitting on my bench, though.” Jeffman had been on his midnight wander and found Ralph on his bench. “Why do you need this bench in particular?” asked Ralph. “Just move over for a second and I’ll show you everything,” Jeffman said.
Jeffman twisted the rubbish bin beside the bench. The bench opened and stairs appeared leading underground.
“Oh my doughnuts!” exclaimed Ralph.
“Follow me,” said Jeffman.
Ralph followed Jeffman cautiously down the stairs to Jeffman’s underground caravan. “Doughnut?” Jeffman offered. “Yes!” said Ralph. “How did you get this place?
Jeffman said: “This used to be a caravan park until it was covered over with grass. I refused to sell and they built over me.”
Jeffman and Ralph talked for a while, including the topic of fears.
“I’m afraid of flies and bullies,” said Ralph. “But since you’re Jeffman, I bet you’re not afraid of anything.”
“Back in the day, I worked with flies at the RFA (Royal Flies Academy) and trained them to fly in formation,” Jeffman told Ralph. “But it closed down for health and safety reasons. I can help you with your fear.”
“Yes, please!” said Ralph. “This is a really comfortable chair.”
The room was very dim. “Can we turn on the lights?” asked Ralph.
“Uh, okay,” stuttered Jeffman.
Jeffman walked over to the light switch. “Are you ready for this? This is the first stage of you conquering your fears.”
Ralph did not know if he should be excited or scared – he was a bit of both. As soon as Jeffman turned on the lights, Ralph screamed and then fainted. When he came round, Jeff asked him, “Was that too much?”
When Ralph woke up, there was a swarm of flies holding him down in the chair. Ralph fainted again.
Jeffman called off the flies. When Ralph woke up the second time, the flies were massaging him.
“Don’t lean back or you’ll squish,” Jeffman said. Ralph turned around and saw the swarm of flies massaging his back.
“You’ve passed Stage One! You didn’t try to run away,” said Jeffman. “Now it’s time for Stage Two.”
“I surrender,” said Ralph.
“Before we go on to Stage Two, you need some serious training,” Jeffman said.
Over the next few days, Ralph trained in advanced fly-whispering, teaching flies to do tricks like chores and homework and even making doughnuts.
After completing his training, Jeffman told Ralph, “You’re ready for Stage Two. For Stage Two, the flies are going to help you stand up to the bullies.” Ralph said: “I don’t think I am ready. But I’ll try.”
The next day, Ralph saw the three bullies who had chased him in the park. “You’re bullies and I’m sick of it!”
The leader of the bullies said: “You’re cruisin’ for a brusin’. Give me your lunch money.”
Ralph whistled his secret call and summoned the flies. The first wave of flies poured a bucket of raspberry jam on the bullies. The bullies looked at each other in confusion and embarrassment. After a few minutes, they started to laugh. “Is this the best you can do?”
Ralph said, “No. Do you want more?” He summoned the second wave of flies.
The second wave of flies covered the bullies and lifted up them up into the trees.
The bullies were scared but tried to act brave. They started laughing at Ralph. “We can get down from here, easy,” said the leader.
“Yeah,” said the other two at the same time.
The bullies tried to move but they were stuck to the branch by the jam. They heard a creaking as the branch snapped and they fell in the mud.
“Okay, okay,” the bullies pleaded, trying to hide their tears. “What do you want? We will do anything!”
Ralph said, “I want you to stop bullying people like me. I want you to stop bullying altogether.” The bullies got up and tried to brush off the mud and jam. Just to show them what kindness was, Ralph helped to clean up.
Ralph started to walk home. Jeffman jumped out from behind a bush. “You’re ready for Stage Three!” he said. “What is Stage Three?” Ralph asked. “I have conquered all my fears.”
“A celebration, of course! The doughnuts are on me,” Jeffman said. They went back to Jeffman’s underground caravan.
The flies carried in a big dish of ice cream-covered doughnuts.
“Thanks, flies!” said Ralph.
Later on, Ralph went home and his parents were back from their cruise. They were very tanned. “What did you get up to?” they asked him. “Nothing much,” said Ralph with a smile.
