“All he did was fall in love with me, and the world turned him into a monster.”
Kate Elizabeth Russell’s debut novel will cause a stir. Set in the world of the MeToo movement, Russell has painted a story of “alleged” abuse, vehemently denied by the main protagonist, to such an extent that as a reader, it is hard to use the terms sex offender, paedophile, rape, without feeling like you are betraying the voice of Vanessa, the victim of these things. Even “victim” feels like a weird word to use, the character of Vanessa does not see herself as one, and resists the tide of calls to speak up and take part in the public dethroning of Mr Strane, a high school English teacher at the heart of a sex abuse scandal. “I’m not a victim because I’ve never wanted to be, and if I don’t want to be, then I’m not.” Journalists reporting on the story are called out for their pushy behaviour, reminiscent of the manipulation of the girls they are writing about – “She just wanted to ride the wave, get a good byline.”
The narrative flips between 2017 and the early 2000s, giving us a view into the current life of 32-year-old Vanessa Wye, who is working as a concierge at a hotel, and spends her days drinking, smoking weed and self-isolating. She is in communication with Jacob Strane, the first person she had sex with, at the age of 15, in the town of her boarding school, where he was a teacher. After convincing Wye that she is a misfit, destined for great things with his guidance, Strane succeeds in inviting her to his house for an innocent date, that becomes a forced sexual encounter.
Dressed in children’s strawberry-print pyjamas gifted by him, this event begins the deep dive into years of manipulation and confusion on behalf of Vanessa. She says that the experience is painful, that she says no. This motif becomes a repetitious image throughout the novel whenever she sleeps with Strane. She chooses to leave her body and imagines groceries, loaves of bread rising, roots growing into the earth, mind numbing images that allow her to disassociate from her reality.
Strane claims that Vanessa is his “soulmate”, and regularly reminds her that she pursued him and that he is the helpless victim of not lust, but true love. The manipulation of the truth creates a riddle that she spends years of her life decoding. She feels compelled to reassure him, moves away from her disgust, and continues to offer herself to him as an emotional support during the breaking news of other girls who come forward.
My Dark Vanessa deals with power, truth and the identity of a woman trying to reclaim a sense of self after sexual trauma
Perhaps what is saddest about the story, is how Russell unravels the relationship between Vanessa and her mother. What begins as a close maternal bond weakens through her adolescence because of Strane. Her mother suspects but doesn’t act, and while this suits teenage Vanessa who is “in love” with her teacher, there is a suggestion that ultimately it undermines their trust and results in a widening gap that isolates Vanessa not just from her family, but from any normal domestic life. It is clear in her lack of care for herself in her 30s, that she is in dire need of a nurturing presence but has only the aged figure of Strane around her, determined to keep her in line with their story.
Vanessa refers to the MeToo movement as “the siren song of victimhood” and debunks its validity throughout the book. Her sense of identity has been warped by the influence of Strane, who having sexualised her at an early age, leaves her caught in a liminal space of never having enjoyed adulthood. Her golden years are the years at Browick College and there is a sense of future-lessness that is disturbing and heart-breaking. “It’s the truth whether anyone believes it or not, driven toward it, driven toward him, I was the kind of girl that isn’t supposed to exist: one eager to hurl herself into the path of a paedophile.” She has moments of epiphany through therapy sessions which reveal other considerations she is having about Strane and Strane-like figures: “Maybe that’s what this has always been about – not wanting these men but wanting to be them.” A talented student with a special skill in writing, her initial love of English is what connects her to Strane, something that she loses and doesn’t pursue.
Like Louise O’Neill’s Asking for It, My Dark Vanessa deals with power, truth and the identity of a woman trying to reclaim a sense of self after sexual trauma. It packs a punch and will unearth difficult feelings in the reader, especially in its political message of questioning the public and the private sphere, asking who owns the right to feel indignant, how we re-paint victims who have already been painted by their experience. A sharp debut that tunnels through you.
