As a Southern Irishman who has spent his entire Christian ministry in the North (it is hard to avoid using capitals in this connection) I have often had the feeling that the North/South difference in perspective is curiously like looking through the wrong end of a telescope. The physical distance between (for example) Armagh and Dublin may be around eighty-five miles. The psychological difference seems more like eight hundred and fifty. I feel this even when I have been in Dublin (or back in Armagh) for a single day as I am, very frequently. This is not necessarily to do with Roman Catholic versus Protestant attitudes. There is a huge gap in comprehension even within the close-knit community of the Church of Ireland. Fortunately we have to date avoided overt North-South confrontations (for example at the General Synod), not least through the skilful diplomacy of our Primate, Dr Robin Eames. But there is not really a meeting of minds.

I well remember some years ago when a well-known northern politician switched on one of his celebrated rants (clearly for the benefit of the media) and his being watched with almost open-mouthed disbelief by a lay representative of the church from the deep South. Such rather amusing examples of a lack of communication become matters of deadly urgency when Northern Ireland seems on the verge of being torn apart by further communal divisions symbolised by the one word, Drumcree.

What saddens me, as the rector of a parish in which (like most others in south Armagh) at least 95 per cent of the adult males are members of the Orange Order, is the manner in which Ulster Protestants seem, in public perception, to be their own worst enemies; and their very admirable qualities, which I have certainly come to appreciate over thirty-three years in the one place are in danger of being overlooked. I would have to say, firmly, and speaking very much as a non-Orangeman, that my people could be described as belonging to the "salt of the earth" category, honourable in their dealings, deeply involved and faithful to their church, loyal to their own distinctive traditions, kind and helpful in their personal relations, and patient in much tribulation. It should not be overlooked that virtually every parish in this area has had people murdered in the "Troubles"; and there are very few families which have not been affected in one way or another. What impresses me is the restraint which has been very evident in most difficult circumstances and the remarkable courage and resilience of those who have lost most.

Over the years there have been many church parades, by members of the Orange and Black institutions (and even the Royal Arch Purple). None of these, in either of my own parishes, has ever involved inter-communal disturbances. I would have to say that the representatives who arrange such events with me have been invariably courteous and correct and I am unable to recall any disagreement over the selection of preachers or any other possibly contentious area.

The behaviour of those attending the services (including a number of my own parishioners) has invariably been impeccable and one is politely thanked afterwards. The services are simply Morning or Evening Prayer from the Church of Ireland's Alternative Prayer Book, usually with scripture readings requested by the preacher and well-known hymns from the church hymnal. To say all this is not in the least to close one's eyes to so much that is amiss in people's attitudes. In Armagh itself, as elsewhere, we have had riots, beatings, bombings, and shootings, and loss of life, involving both sections of the community. Deep-seated antagonisms undoubtedly exist and can be triggered off into strife and mayhem. In the circumstances elected representatives of the community have little room to manoeuvre, and the same applies to the Christian churches. The kind of ecumenical exchanges that are commonplace in the rest of Ireland (and in that part of the Diocese of Armagh that exists south of the border) are either not possible or else attract only the support of a minority. So the paradox exists of admirable, decent men and women supporting and attending their churches, trying to do their best for their families, but being within a situation which seems designed to drive them into opposite camps and into an "us and them" attitude.

With regard to the present difficulties arising from the Drumcree situation Church of Ireland clergy are becoming a little weary of advice whose prescriptive quality seems to have a relationship with the distance of those concerned from the realities of parish life in this area (looking through the "wrong end of the telescope"). For example, calls for the church to dissociate itself entirely from the Orange Order sound a little bit impractical when one realises this might in many parishes result in the church expelling the church!

On the other hand those who complain about such a relationship do not seem to realise there are no formal links whatsoever, only an almost complete overlap of membership, certainly where country parishes are concerned. And with regard to the participation of the "Loyal Orders" in worship, provided that the sort of preconditions laid down by the Archbishop of Armagh for the Drumcree service are actually adhered to, it would seem unreasonable to say the least to try to inhibit people from coming to church, collectively as part of what are intended to be Christian organisations as well as individually as Christian believers. And while there is an obligation on all clergy of all denominations to uphold Christian standards and to exercise what a well-known columnist in another newspaper calls "acts of good authority" it should not be overlooked that the same clergy also have a pastoral responsibility which cannot be exercised if people are made to feel unwelcome in their own churches. One sometimes feels, moreover, that one is applauded for being ecumenical in every direction but that of one's own parishioners. Whatever changes of attitude are necessary to establish lasting peace and stability in Northern Ireland will come about through persuasion rather than denunciation. And this implies a willingness to listen rather than lecture, and to look at things as they really are rather than how they may appear from a distance.

Rev Dr Michael Kennedy is rector of the parishes of Lisnadill and Kildarton in the Diocese of Armagh and a canon at St Patrick's Cathedral, Dublin.