Death notices aren't what they used to be; nor is the world we live in. That's why these simple nine-line announcements carried in newspapers still provide us with a clear reflection of these changing times: a kind of mini-snapshot of society.
Life used to be simpler. People were born, got married, had children and died - in that order. In the 1990s, some people have children and never get married, others leave marriages and form sexual relationships with new people; sometimes with people of the same sex. And the death columns reflect it all - even if not explicitly.
"One of the major changes," says Keith Massey, a member of one of Dublin's oldest families of funeral directors, "is the increase in marriage breakdown and the changes in traditional family structures. This often results in the omission of the second partner from the list of mourners in the death notice.
"For example, a man who had been left his wife and family and had living with another woman for more than two decades died recently. I was dealing with his daughters and they advised me regarding what the family wanted in the death notice. They didn't mention the other woman, only their mother. But it was this other woman who was paying for the funeral and she was appalled not to be mentioned. When she came to settle the bill she refused point-blank to pay for the notice because the daughters had refused to mention her.'
"In another case," says Brendan McGing, a Westport-based funeral director, "the family didn't even tell the separated husband that the wife was dead, let alone include him in the notice. I saw it in the paper myself and it looked terribly bad - one word wouldn't have put them out, surely."
It's not only those involved in the complexities of marital breakdown who are regularly left out of the death notice. Children of unmarried parents and those in same-sex relationships are often excluded. "It's sad and it's hard to see someone who has shared another person's life - shared secrets and intimacies - to see them pushed aside. Sometimes a gay partner might get a mention, as `and friend Paul', but it would be way down the list after everybody else. It's sad, but I think that a lot of them know this and accept it," says Keith Massey.
In the Republic the family of the deceased inserts a single notice, but tradition in the North allows for multiple insertions. The UCD sociologist Maire Nic Ghiolla Phadraig notes that this could be a way of solving some disputes. "You'd get each of their brothers and sisters, their spouses and their parents all making insertions - even pigeon clubs and political parties to which the deceased may have belonged insert death notices in Northern Ireland," she says.
One major change in death customs today is the decline in spending on wreaths and floral tributes. Death notice requests for donations in lieu of flowers have increased significantly in recent years, according to Ruth Findlater of the Irish Heart Foundation, though giving in this way has "always been here to some extent among certain groups, such as the Protestant community, for example".
"I believe some families feel embarrassed about the amount of money spent on wreaths," says James Cassidy of the Irish Cancer Society. While both he and Ruth Findlater agree that this trend is more an urban phenomenon than a rural one, they say the contributions they receive in this way are significant. "It accounts for about one per cent of our income," says James Cassidy. "In real terms this means funding for a home care nurse for a year."
Another significant change noted in the death columns is the demise of the traditional wake or "open house", with a corresponding increase in "house strictly private". Keith Massey believes this is an urban phenomenon, people being less involved with each other's lives in cities. David Fanagan, another funeral director, considers that it's more related to "a particular socio-economic group - the ABC1s". Brendan McGing sees the move to "house private" as essentially a city thing. He reckons that just one in 20 funerals in the west of Ireland is "house private".
Intriguingly, while bereaved families are moving away from traditional wakes and seeking privacy and solitude in grief, there is a corresponding increase in the death notices becoming more personal and individualised. "People are not afraid of using adjectives to describe their relationship - `loving wife and treasured companion' as opposed to just `wife', `husband' or `relict'," says David Fanagan. Relict, particularly, is on the way out. Animals sometimes get a mention, too, although they're rarely referred to as such. "We just write; `also missed by Poppy and Dimples'," he adds.
Surprisingly, some of those who appear in death notices are very much alive. One newspaper inserted a midnight notice from a woman who, the following day, eagerly waited at the church to see who'd turn up for her own funeral. In another premature announcement a schoolboy ingeniously circumvented the authenticity checks and successfully placed a notice announcing the death of his teacher.
Not alone has the death notice message changed in the 1990s; the medium has changed, too. Local radio stations around the country now carry daily death notices and are considered an essential element of community radio, particularly in rural areas. At least two stations, Shannonside and Northern Sound, offer an automated telephone service (1550) so that listeners may hear death notices outside their regular broadcasting slot. David Fanagan is sorry to see the decrease in the number of published notices. "It is sad, because the announcement used to be cut out of the paper by the family and kept. It is the last opportunity for the bereaved person to make a statement to the country at large, to their family and friends, about how they felt about the person who has died. At the other end of the scale in the case of an untimely death, such as still birth or cot death, it is a statement by the parents that this person actually existed and here is the proof. It makes it real for them. It does help and it is important."
