ESTHER McCANN kept a diary of the early months of Jessica, the child she had hoped to adopt. It was addressed to Jessica and was intended for her to read when she grew up. Stored on a computer disk, it was one of the few things to survive the fire which took the lives of both.
The diary begins the day before the baby was born, in March 1991. It runs until the following July and then there is a lapse of a whole year before the next and last entry, which is dated July 30th, 1992.
This was two days after Esther woke up to a huge gas leak in the house which, had she struck a match or turned on a light, would almost certainly have caused a fatal explosion.
Other people referred to in the diary are James - Esther's nephew who was to die of cancer in 1993 - and Marion and Billy - James's parents who were Esther's sister and brother in law.
(The first entry in the diary is undated)
Jessica:
Jeannette and myself spent all day Saturday the 9th of March 1991 walking around shopping centres trying to get all the things needed for her visit to the hospital.
You were due to be born in or around 6th March 1991. I was worried about her as she seemed to be getting close to having you and when we got home that evening I cried my eyes out for no real reason!
I rang the doctor to ask him what to do. Dr Ormonde felt we should go to the Coombe straight away and we headed off. Jeannette was admitted at 8.30p.m. and was taken off to be examined by the doctor. At 11.30p.m. Sr O'Carroll told me to go home as nothing was going to happen "for at least 48 hours" and she took Jeannette off to St Brigid's Ward so that she could keep an eye on her.
I got a telephone call from Sr O'Carroll at 2.30 a.m. to say that Jeannette was in early labour and that I should come back to the hospital again. That was to be the first of many nights that you would keep me awake all night!!!
You were born on Sunday 10th March 1991 at 5.05 a.m. and you weighed 5lb 2oz and looked very lovely. You were cleaned up a bit introduced to me and your mother and then very shortly after that brought to the care unit as you needed some special care because of your size.
The hospital kept you in the unit for two days doing all sorts of tests on you. Jeannette visited you there. All that Sunday I spent getting clothes for you and your mother and making sure everyone knew about your arrival. That afternoon I visited Jeannette in St Patrick's semi private and she was well and in good spirits.
Monday afternoon Frank and myself visited Rosemary Grant, the social worker attached to the hospital, for a chat. We were with her for an hour and a half and she arranged that we should get together with Jeannette the same time on Tuesday to see how she was feeling about placing you for fostering for 6-8 weeks.
At the meeting on Tuesday Jeannette told us that she had made up her mind that you should come home with us on Thursday if you were being discharged and that she wanted us to eventually adopt you. We were thrilled and a little worried that maybe Jeannette had made her decision too quickly. She however felt that it was the best possible arrangement for you and that she was certain we would be good parents to you.
So here you are with us and we love you dearly. I don't intend to give you a day by day account of your life with us, but your early days have been eventful. I will try to fill you in on all the more important things that will happen to you in your life and maybe we can keep a record for you to read when you are older.
Wednesday, March 27th: Brought you to the clinic in Rathfarnham to be weighed. Honestly, child, you are a big pudding!!! Weighing in at over 7lb and only two and half weeks.
Thursday, April 4th: A big day out for you. Had your BCG in the clinic Jeannette came too - weighed again - nearly 8lbs, and then to the Square to buy your car seat. Home for tea and then we went off to Gillian Walker's house to see about getting her pram for you. The height of luxury - a Silver Cross a lovely pram and lots of other goodies, including a buggy.
Frank is to collect all tomorrow morning. Slept like a log from 9.30 p.m. (still in Gillian's) until 3.30 a.m. - good girl!!
Tuesday, April 16th: Your six week check up with Dr Elizabeth Griffin in the Coombe. All well now, weighing in at 9lbs 6ozs. Due to return to her when you are 4 months old.
Wednesday, April 17th: My suspicions are confirmed you have chickenpox!!! Poor Jessica, very out of sorts and very spotty. Thanks are due to your cousin Esther who has just finished with the pox and there is a photo to prove it!!
June 16th: Born on Mother's Day and christened on Father's Day in St Aengus's Church, Balrothery, Tallaght at 3.00p.m. with five other young men and women you were christened Jessica Mary McCann by Father Ben Moran. I always said that my first born girl would be called Mary. Well you are my first born, best girl and always will be.
July 16th: Back to the Coombe and Dr Griffin. Weighed in at 18lbs and in good health, a bit chesty from teething no teeth yet, discharged from the Coombe.
July 17th: 2 in 1 injection in the clinic. Frank in Brussels for six days with Irish Swimming Team at Youth Olympics, back Monday next.
July 17th: Bad day for everyone, James in Cappagh and looking bad - Billy in Vincent's with suspected appendicitis/kidney stone. Billy discharged 18th - on his birthday. James to get results of some tests on 19th.
July 19th: 5p.m. tests show a malignant tumour on his leg, to be treated in the Mater. Phoned Paddy McCann 20th and he will do all he can to help - nice man. Not a day to be forgotten for any of us, possibly the blackest day in a long time. Things will get better and James will be well again after treatment.
(There is a lapse of a year before the next entry)
July 30th: My darling daughter Jessica, you have grown and become a beautiful child. You have been walking now for a little over a week and have given up holding on to the walls in search of your own bit of independence.
Cup of tea and ups a daisy with constant talk of Daddy, Oh Mammy and Mammy's baby. Lots of talk and every day brings new joys of every sort in sight, sound, speech and movement. Ten teeth to show for all the months of painful teething which gave you some problems with infections of all sorts.
Nana's little darling in everything you do, she never ceases to love looking at you and you can really amuse with your antics, including playing the piano with much style and seriousness. May Warner next door will have to take you for lessons soon.
The hottest and driest summer in years. Your own darling James has had the most terrible news imaginable today and he doesn't even know it yet. Marion in pieces and I am not so good myself. Two tumours on left lung to be operated on end of July - no end to this cruelty.
There were no further entries.
