Our client seeks damages for distortions in the Facebook movie, advise Victoria Gallagher-O’Houlihan’s lawyers

"DEAR David Fincher/ Columbia Pictures/ Relativity Media, I am writing to you on behalf of my client, Victoria Gallagher- O'Houlihan. It has come to our attention that you have produced a film entitled The Social Network, which is scheduled for commercial release and distribution in Europe on October 15th, 2010.

To our knowledge, this film, which purports to depict the origins of the social-networking internet site Facebook, contains no mention of my client and her pivotal role in the rise of aforementioned site.

We have obtained promotional material that clearly demonstrates a disregard for my client’s part in the rise of Facebook in favour of other, early, less physically attractive members. It should be noted that Ms Gallagher-O’Houlihan attracted far more traffic to the site than many of the nerds depicted in your film.

We have been advised that Facebook did not, in fact, become cool (and then quickly lame again) until my client registered as a user in 2006, when she became the first European to reach more than 1,000,000 friends. She would, we contend, have maintained this level of popularity had she not left the site. This was no reflection on her status but an unfortunate consequence of a series of incidents concerning three stalkers, a nail bomb and two Twitter hate campaigns in 2008 (shortly before Twitter became even lamer than Facebook).

My client would also like it to be known that her page was ‘properly sick’, particularly when placed beside many of the ‘skanks’ who made the final edit.

This letter will also serve as notice to you that we intend to vigorously pursue legal remedies for your distortion of fact, unless you comply with the following demands: that you insert reference to my client’s ‘wicked’ Facebook page prior to the film’s European release, and that you emphasise her importance in making Facebook popular (before it quickly became lame). Failure to comply will result in further action.

According to data obtained on my client’s i-Sleep app (not yet lame, but getting there), in the days after learning that she was not in the movie she suffered a decline in delta wave activity. This disruption continued over three successive nights. She also missed work at Madrid Style Week following a related incident wherein she stomped her foot on her new Bari marble flooring.

We demand compensation for injuries and mental anguish to the amount of $7,000,000.

We are sure you will want to avoid legal action in this matter, and urge you to promptly notify us of your compliance with the above demands. You may do so by return email, followed by a hard-copy letter. Also, if you could transfer all monetary compensation into my client’s Dutch bank account, it would be greatly appreciated. Yours, etc.