"SPEED hairdryer garda `should be canonised'," claimed the Kildare Nationalist. For those readers who may have thought that the story referred to the Garda Siochana Hairdressing Olympics, the newspaper provided a picture on page one.

There, in all his about to be canonised glory, stood Garda John Flanagan on duty with his speed checking device at Castledermot. "Anyone going through Castledermot knows he will be there with his hairdryer and they will be dried," said urban councillor Michael Abbey, who made the call for papal intervention.

A rule imposed by Judge Mary Martin in Carlow District Court means that anyone caught travelling at 30 m.p.h. in excess of the legal limit will be banned from driving, said the newspaper.

And for those readers who may have had some unrealistic fantasies about the young men and women who are guarding our swimming beaches this summer, the Wexford People offered a timely reality check: "Bay watch it ain't".

"You don't have to be a muscle bound David Hasselhof or have built in buoyancy aids like Pamela Anderson to be a beachguard for Wexford County Council," it said.

Curracloe's senior beachguard, Ruairi Doyle, said: "We don't do Bay watch style rescues, where you run to the water, dive in and rescue people before a speedboat and helicopter arrives. In our job we mainly wade out to people, talk to them and stop them from panicking. When you do that they are usually able to get in by themselves."

Some guys "get nasty" and "verbally aggressive" when the lifeguards tell them not to use dangerous inflatable toys on the beach, he added. "Try telling somebody who has just pumped up a 10 foot long inflatable that they shouldn't use it. They say, `Look I'm going to use it anyway'."

The Wexford People also had something to say about what has become known as the "pool controversy", stating that "those who have joined the chorus calling for a 50 metre pool have displayed a lack of understanding of the needs of young people in Ireland ... The building of such a facility would eat up all the cash available for sports projects throughout the country for several years.

"Ask people in Enniscorthy, who have waited 20 years to see their dream become reality, if they would be prepared to give up the opportunity to have their own pool to enable the money to go to an Olympic size facility. The answer would be a resounding `no' and it's an answer that would be repeated all around the country.

"Politicians have many, many faults and their decisions are often suspect. However, in relation to a 50m pool they are in tune with a large majority of the people," it concluded.

Elsewhere, accounts of midsummer misbehaviour and public disorder provoked commentary. The Cormack Drive estate in Tipperary was described by the Tipperary Star as being like "a powder keg" and "in a state of turmoil".

The Nenagh Guardian reported that the council estate is so troubled by alleged intimidation amongst residents that upon hearing of the residents' fears, members of Nenagh Urban Council immediately adjourned their meeting and went to the estate itself where they confronted those against whom the allegations had been made.

In an editorial, the newspaper said that "the constant crying of one deputation member while a discussion on the matter was proceeding was ample proof that what has been happening in that estate is no mere neighbour's row but something far more vicious and sinister.

The newspaper also voiced its concern that Nenagh's "Castle Field" has become a "den of iniquity".

It reported "an instance of two boys aged 10 and 11 years, out of their minds with butane gas in the Castle Field, and of a pair performing a sexual act on a bench there."

When people tried to stop the pair, the were told to "f--- off", said the Guardian.

"What is the answer to it all?" asked the newspaper. "Are there laws there to which people have recourse? Are there agencies there to enforce these laws and if so why does such a reign of terror and intimidation continue to exist?"

Why indeed. There is certainly no age limit to such behaviour.

The Wexford People said that two Wexford "bullies" were sent home from the Gaeltacht for inflicting "wedgies".

"A `wedgie' is a type of punishment, often meted out by bullies in boys' schools, whereby perpetrators inflict pain by catching the victims' underwear and yanking it upwards. According to a report at the Town VEC, the bullying in this instance was very severe, and in some cases the underwear was ripped off the victims," it said.