THE fabtastic cultural theorist Jean Baudrillard coined the term "hyper- ality" to refer to a world that is more "real" than real, one in which the inhabitants are obsessed with the objectification of the self.
He has cogently argued that authenticity has been replaced by copy and, because we are so enslavened to this illusion, we are incapable of seeing it. People no longer have experiences in this world, they merely observe spectacles. In place of the real we have simulation and simulacra.
Chantelle from Celebrity Big Brother knows all about it. She is soon to release her in-house song, I Want It Right Now, under the Kandyfloss name.
It will be No 1 and Chantelle will be a pop star.
The song has an interesting history. Last year, producers at Endemol (the company which makes Celebrity Big Brother) got in touch with music publishers Dalmatian Songs and asked them to go through their roster and get someone to submit 10 pop songs. They never explained why they wanted the songs.
Colin Campise, the former Go West singer who has written for The Spice Girls and Natalie Imbruglia, wrote I Want It Right Now for Endemol. The lyrics (and tune) are beyond execrable: "I want it right now. I'm gonna lick the plate clean. I'm gonna steal the lion's share. Lie, lie, lie here beside me baby."
Campsie's song was originally called I Want It All and written with Kylie Minogue in mind. The head of Dalmatian Songs has said "there's no been no shortage of interest in releasing the song - we've had numerous phone calls from big record companies. Some of them are offering silly money. We will definitely chart with it when it comes out."
It's entirely probable that the song will sell more than anything by Chantelle's musical house- mates on the show - The Ordinary Boys, Dead or Alive and Goldie Lookin' Chain. It's all to do with the above-mentioned "authenticity" and "copy".
Not that the "real" musicians will worry too much about a tone- deaf blonde bint outselling them. Sales of The Ordinary Boys' Brassbound album have increased tenfold in the last two weeks. Their base level may not have been high - they are, after all, an indie-ska band - but a tenfold increase is a serious sales rush.
Similarly, sales of Dead or Alive's Greatest Hits (I think we can safely remove the "s" from the last word in the title) are up four times over the same period. And expect new pressings of the album to be called Pete Burns and Dead or Alive. Meanwhile, Goldie Lookin' Chain have trebled sales of their Safe as Fuck album.
It's worth remembering that the Ordianary Boys singer and the Goldie Lookin' Chain rapper were substitutes on the show - they hardly qualify under the term "celebrity". They are only in the house becaue various members of S Club 7 and Steps turned down the opportunity.
It is noteworthy that mere profile has boosted these record sales. It has nothing whatsoever to do with the musical content of the albums in question. In fact, two of the above three albums are really poor. And the other one only has one good song on it.
It's not just album sales. The Ordinary Boys have just announced a series of gigs. They will be playing in venues considerably larger than the ones they did previously. This upscaling will also be reflected in the ticket price.
Indie bands who previously would have sneered at programmes such as Celebrity
Big Brother will now be reconsidering their attitude. Thom Yorke for the jungle?
