Vital to the enjoyment of a music festival is blowing fat stacks of money lavishly and without heed. For the unrepentant punt-spending punter, the range of showy, useless trifles is thankfully growing yearly.
Edible and wearable purchases are often outdone by intangible goods, indicating a rising trend in the exchange of money for nothing.
Popular favourites in this category include the Emotional Baggage Cloakroom of Electric Picnic 2013 fame, featuring endless storage space for all Catholic guilt and unrequited love issues. Losing check-in tickets was actively encouraged. Elsewhere, the Tough Love Booth is giving it back. Give the matron a quid and she’ll tell you to suck it up and get your damn life together (and she’s damn right, you absolute mess).
The best of fashion sales is without fail the Hat Stall, all 17 of them (and please note that all hats at the Hat Stand stand are for display purposes only).
In food, don’t gourmet cod yourself with regular muck, and seek out the most artisan muck you can find instead. Culinary trends for 2015 include pulled carrot sandwiches, honey roasted bees, craft sweet potato and anything sepia coloured (this rule applies to the selection of slow-roasted tobacco too).
The secret to absorbing the true festival spirit is regretting the majority of all purchases, so make it count.
