AIBHE MALONEurges you to say no to chocolate jingoism

TRACK OF THE WEEK

Asthma Attackby CockNBull Kid.

It's nice to see that after nine years and a stint writing songs with Plan B, CockNBullKid (aka Anita Blay) is putting her best foot forward with her trademark cynical Motown stomp. Asthma Attackis about her home town of London, and how things all get a bit much sometimes. Oh dear.

Followingup on Pop Corner's sterling reportage on Cheryl Cole's Haribo needs, Chezza obviously felt the need to open up even further. In an interview with Glamourmagazine, she bravely explained how "Ringtons tea from Newcastle is the best. I always ask my family to bring me some when they visit. I also miss British chocolate. American chocolate is awful – it's like wax." She slammed the entire American confectionary industry, adding that "as for their KitKats . . . I don't know how they can even call them KitKats."

N-DUBZ WATCH

It’s either a gossip feast or a gossip famine with the Dubz, and we’ve another tale to tell this week. Poor old Dappy was on a double date with Tinchy Stryder (no, really) and was accosted in the loo by a thief, who promptly stole all of Dappy’s bling (again, no, really). A few hours later, Tulisa took to her Twitter to explain that “there was a confrontation, dappy got in2 a fight, he was out numbered, the chains were taken . . . within a few hours he got them back, n not cus of feds”. We quite fancy the idea of a Tulisa N-Dubz detective agency.

It seemsthat the pressure of having a new hairdo has overwhelmed Justin Bieber, as last weekend he tried to set his mum's hair on fire – presumably out of jealousy for her luscious locks. Trying to save face, Justin tweeted: "Sick show in Berlin . . . brought @studiomama on stage 2 sing her happy birthday but she lit her hair on fire with the candles. lol. I saved her."

Saved her? Yeah right. We’re not letting you near our curls any time soon.