HARRY
Marries supermodel, divorces same. Marries another supermodel. Reinvents himself as a rock star and tours as Queen's 17th guest vocalist. Acquires more ill-advised tattoos.

LIAM
The Gary Barlow of the band has a moderately successful solo career, before finding himself back where it all began on The X Factor's judging panel in 2030. (Like Gary Barlow).

NIALL
Abandons the music business, buys a majority stake in his beloved Derby County, and relocates them to Mullingar. Can still be heard saying "This is mad, lads!" every so often.

LOUIS
After his solo debut flops, retires to become a successful songwriter for other pop artists. He's not bitter, though.

ZAYN
Although arguably the band's strongest singer, he pursues a career in male modelling, where he can continue to be handsome to his heart's content.