Teen Times: This is the part of year when I usually start to panic a little. In a misguided spate of stocktaking, I ask myself what it is I have achieved during the holidays.
In a few short weeks I'll be returning to college, to which I'm looking forward immensely - save for that first week of sharing summer stories, when I'll be inundated with mythical tales of inter-railing, of J1-ing, of "summering" in various nifty locations around the world.
Having stayed at home to play camogie and to fulfil a stint at my usual summer job, I missed out on travel, and the many hysterical anecdotes it tends to generate. Sure, I watched the complete series of Father Ted twice over and expanded my CD collection by an alarming degree - but have I swam with dolphins, padded about the Taj Mahal or "found myself" while trekking through the Pyrenees? Indeed I have not - hence, panic.
Luckily, I happen to be quite adept at fooling myself into thinking I'm making progress, when in fact I'm not. This particular trait can manifest itself in little ways - for example, making a list of chores and including some tasks you've already done, just so you can tick them off right away.
Recently I've been finding new ways to lull myself into thinking I've made great progress with superficial changes - read on to find out how you too can feel the smug glow of accomplishment, without actually accomplishing anything.
The quickest route to a brand new you is, of course, getting your hair cut.
A dramatic new cut will make it seem as though you've changed, even if you haven't. As Richard Fish of Ally McBeal fame would have it: "It's not what's inside that matters, it's how things look."
Visits to the hairdresser's are, unfortunately, nerve-wracking occasions. First there is the ridiculously uncomfortable matter of having your hair washed, leaning backwards into one of those sinks. You grow even more nervous once you're seated in front of a mirror, watching great tufts of your carefully-tended hair float unceremoniously to the floor as the hairdresser chops happily away.
You would say something, but of course, you're too in awe of the hairdresser's supernatural ability to generate conversation with complete strangers to intervene. Usually, though, your hair does end up looking smashing (at least until you step outside the salon and the inevitable sudden downpour/gust of wind comes along).
My most recent attempt at reinvention involves doing up my room: more to the point, trying to make myself look useful by engaging in some ill-advised DIY. After the disappointment of discovering that my furniture won't fit in a feng shui-friendly manner, and having become bored with daubing countless patches of tester paint on my walls, I'm now wisely leaving the work to those who know what they're doing. At the moment, we're trying to construct a bookshelf over my bed that won't suddenly collapse in the middle of the night and crush my reposing self. Reinvention is all very well and good, but a bandaged head going back to college is so not a good look.
Ultimately, though, I should probably just stop worrying. Personal goals are all very well and good, so long as they're not motivated by what writer and thinker Alain de Botton has termed "status anxiety" - the fear of being perceived by others as having failed. Therefore, I'll do my best to listen cheerfully to my classmates' tales of coming face to face with lions while on safari in the Serengeti. Because to tell you the truth, I enjoyed those Father Ted marathons.
•Eimear Ryan (19) is from Moneygall, Co Tipperary, and is studying journalism in DCU
•500-word articles are welcome from teenagers to teentimes@irish-times.ie. Please include a phone number
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