Toast is the new Crazy Frog. We'll explain. While awaiting the verdict in the Michael Jackson case, a lot of his fans just happened to have been busy with the toaster.
One thing you probably already know about Michael Jackson fans is that some of them are even more loola than the man himself. You really need a bit of a run and a jump to out-weird Jackson, but some of these fans are so whacked out you don't know whether to laugh or cry. Or run away.
While these fans were busy with their toaster on the day in question - and surprisingly they were using said implement for the exact purpose it was designed for, they weren't wearing it, using it to make harmonica-style sounds or singing a duet (Ben) with it - something very strange happened.
The fact that this phenomenon happened to a number of them, on the same day, means it bears further independent investigation.
Jackson fans around the world, in the hours leading up to the verdict in his trial, recorded incidents of their toast popping up with either Jackson's face on it, or the words "Not Guilty" on it. One extremely fortunate fan had two slices pop up at the same time - one read "Yeah" and the other "Not Guilty". "I was shocked, so I saved it and waited and then today at 4.30pm my time it came on the news and there it was: Michael Jackson Not Guilty," said the fan, who promptly put his commemorative Jackson toast up for sale on eBay.
There were a few dozen of these iconic images recorded on pieces of toast on the day. One particular one - which featured an image of the singer's face complete with his trademark 'I'm mad' hairstyle and the same pair of round glasses he wore during the trial, actually fetched $300 on eBay.
"This is a wonderful memento of this historic day that you will cherish for years to come," said the seller of the above item. Another seller, from Illinois, is currently looking at bids of $200 for his Jackson-embellished toast. His selling line is "Bid Now To Have This Holy Toast".
The spooky but, let's face it, very accurate, Jackson toast comes just after some toast that supposedly carried the image of the Virgin Mary sold for $28,000 last year (OK, it was actually on a grilled cheese sandwich if you want to stupidly pedantic about it). Personally, I think that Jackson himself, loaded up on Jesus Juice one night, bought the Virgin Mary slice. He probably has fed it to his Elephant Man.
Mad Toast is now to eBay what Crazy Frog is to ringtones. There's some excellent Elvis Presley toast up for sale, and some Yoda toast (I've scrutinised this one with a magnifying glass in the company of a Yoda expert and sorry, but I'm just not convinced).
I have noted with some alarm that Mad Toast is now being challenged on eBay by disgracefully immoral charlatans who are trying to sell jars of "celebrity air". A certain Mr Joe Wilson (probably related to Brian, he's mad enough to be) camped out overnight at a Hollywood film premiere which Brad Pitt would be attending. He got the pretty-boy actor to breath into a jar and then put his "celebrity air" up for sale on eBay (the jar is included in the price - which currently stands at $31). Now you can't move on eBay for bloody Celebrity Air auctions.
The Mad Toast people have retaliated promptly to expose this Celebrity Air racket for what it is. You can now bid for toast that features "an etching of a jar of Celebrity Air". And justice is restored.
You'll have to excuse us now. Revolver is currently in the middle of a high-risk, massive-tension eBay auction. The prize on offer? Only the piece of toast with Michael Jackson's face on it which Popped Up At The Exact Moment Jackson Was Acquitted. Beat that, you Fatima/Lourdes/Medjugorje freaks.
