I READ that the elder brother of the infamous Kray twins has been described in court as "a pathetic old has been", cashing in on the family name in order to cadge drinks and cash.

Charlie Kray (70), accused of being the linchpin in a drugs deal to sell cocaine worth £39 million to undercover police, was no more than a "skint" old man trying to cheat cash out of his victims, Woolwich Crown Court was told on Monday.

At the time of writing, the court case continues.

I am greatly interested in the defence case being made for Charlie Kray by his counsel, Jonathan Goldberg QC. In effect he is claiming that all Charlie's troubles result from his being the white sheep of the family.

Due to his gangster connections, Charlie has been unemployable all his life. What he lives off, and rather poorly it seems, is the black Kray name. Quoting from Lady Bracknell's description of Algernon in Wilde's The Importance of Being Earnest, Mr Goldberg said that Charlie Kray "was nothing, but he looks everything."

He might seem suave, "like a million dollars", as he went round a room greeting people like a politician, but it was a false picture: he was "the old trouper doing his best."

It is an interesting line on playing off famous reputations. Certainly it is high time this tricky social situation has been brought to the fore.

The odd thing is so many well known white sheep often seem to thrive publicly on their association with black sheep in the family. An alcoholic father in law has done no harm to Tony Blair's image. John Major did not suffer noticeably from having a buffoon for a brother. Bill Clinton and many other US presidents have had cringe making family members who rarely did any harm to their careers (despite often trying hard).

Indeed, it begins to seem that some famous people badly need a black sheep in the family in order to counteract a dull reputation.

France's new socialist Prime Minister, Lionel Jospin, is a case in point.

By all accounts Mr Jospin is somewhat lacking in charisma. Certainly, he is a most dreary speaker. On the night of the French election, the TV stations were driven to desperation in their search for some interesting biographical footage on the new celebrity. Apparently the most exciting TV moment showed Mr Jospin dithering at a local supermarket between a white and an organic brown loaf, and plumping for the politically correct bread.

Had all this become clear before the election, the Socialists might not have done so well. It seems likely that the new French leadership will prove deeply embarrassing for a nation that prides itself on style, image, flair and personal appeal.

Right. Mr Jospin's needs clearly extend to more than the spindoctoring that has replaced his thick brown framed spectacles with see through frames, and in the process rendered him nearly invisible. According to one media commentator, even fervent Socialist supporters are short on fascinating Jospin moments. "Er", said one hopefully, "he was a boy scout."

This will not do for a man who wishes to stay in the public eye and make a strong impression. I am therefore negotiating with Mr Jospin to reveal the story of the black sheep in the Jospin family, his greatgrandmother's rascally third cousin twice removed, Jules Jacques, or "JJ" as he is better known.

All I can say at this stage is that JJ's career, when revealed, will make the Kray twins look like public benefactors; which incidentally is what Charlie Kray claims they were. The French nation's huge appreciation of a shady background will then allow Mr Jospin to bask in the reflected glory and glamour.

Meanwhile, it is a little late now for election purposes, but our own politicians, instead of sticking to the tradition of digging up relatively harmless dirt on the opposition, would clearly be better off digging up clean, so to speak.

Imagine how damaging in terms of lost votes it would be (particularly for the young electorate) to reveal that one of our leading politicians served as a daily altarboy into his late teenage years, that another's favourite meal is quiche, that another has never ventured beyond fourth gear on her 10 speed bike and that another's favourite leisure occupation is ironing sheets.

And anyone looking for a useful Persil slinging (as opposed to mudslinging) soundbite might well describe an opponent as the Charlie Kray of Irish politics. {CORRECTION} 97060400046