Q: My 15-year-old son hates going to school. He was diagnosed with ADHD (attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder) and dyslexia last March.
He is now in Junior Cert year and is not doing any homework or study. The teachers say he has largely switched off in classes and, of course, he is not doing well in school tests. The formal subjects, such as maths and English, are particularly hard for him – he describes them as really boring and he just blanks them out. He got an Irish exemption because of his dyslexia, which took some of the pressure off. He is slightly better in engineering and woodwork – I think largely because he gets to move about a bit and he gets on with his woodwork teacher.
I have tried to push him to do some homework and study at home, but he completely resists this. It has led to a lot of conflict in the past. He says that school is pure drudgery and he can’t bear the thought of taking out books for homework when he needs a break from it all.
Despite all this, he is a really lovely boy. He can be very droll and funny, and we get on well when I am not on his case about homework. He loves sports, video games and going out with his friends. He plays both soccer and GAA, and looks forward to these.
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I’ve seen all sorts of kids’ coaches – the good, the bad and the downright he’s-lost-the-plot
The one thing he likes about school is meeting his friends there. I have met with the school staff and they do provide one hour a week resource teacher, but my son barely remembers this.
I’m not sure what to do with him. Should I just let him continue the way he is? Some of my family say I should be harder on him and not let him play video games or go out until he has done study. but I think this will only make things worse.
When I try to talk to him about it all, he just says he hates school and he wants to leave. I try to persuade him to stay, but he is not listening. This makes me worry.
A: Many ADHD and dyslexic children find school challenging. Formal didactic teaching, involving long hours sitting at a desk listening to subjects that don’t interest them, can invoke boredom and cause them to switch off. Children with ADHD often prefer teaching that is interactive and project-based, allows physical experimentation and follows their passions and interests. As a result, they can miss out on learning and underperform in formal school, which can become a stressful experience.
Think what it must feel like for your son to be sitting there all day bored and not learning anything – his description of this as “drudgery” describes this well. Over time, this experience damages children’s self-esteem as they receive frequent negative messaging that they are lazy or “unintelligent” – when it is the teaching environment that is not meeting their learning needs. Below are some ideas to move forward.
Empathise with your son
Make sure to empathise with your son. Listen when he talks about challenges at school and say that you understand how difficult it is for him. Praise him for putting in the effort and to attend every day. Talk about his ADHD and dyslexia in an empathetic way that helps him understand himself. The way he learns is different from the ways the subjects are being taught in school. Discuss also the many positives about being ADHD in terms of creativity, innovation, being able to think outside the box and so on.
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Look at options
When he says he wants to leave school, rather than arguing back, have an open conversation about his options. What does he want for his life? What work would he like? Take time to explore his strengths and passions both in school (engineering and woodwork) and outside, such as his soccer and GAA, and his ability to make friends – these indicate the things he is good at and even the careers he might follow later (such as teaching sports, working with people, a trade and so on).
Look at the different education options he has after the Junior Cert such as transition year (which may suit him better) or the Leaving Cert Applied to allow him focus on subjects he likes or an apprenticeship in a trade he wishes to explore.
His study plan
Adopt an encouraging and supportive stance around study without over pressuring him. Bear in mind that ADHD and dyslexic children may respond better to creative learning strategies such as quizzes, watching relevant TV documentaries or listening to audiobooks and podcasts. In addition, ADHD children tend to be “crammers” and avoid regular study. Your son could become more motivated just before a school test and then he will accept some help to study. Take an interest in his school schedule so you can see when you might help. Also explore with your son what way he likes to learn.
What does he like about the woodwork teacher? How come he learns better in this class?
I agree that it is important not to make his video games, socialising and sports dependent on his study, as these are probably the things that are keeping him going and resourcing him. However, you could consider an additional reward (of some extra pocket money or special meal) to motivate him to put some time in close to an exam.
Work with the school
Continue to look for support from the school and teachers. Perhaps you could meet with the resource teacher and the year head to review what might help. Perhaps the psychologist who assessed him could provide a list of recommendations for school and you could review these. Simple practical accommodations might help him such as completing a special programme for his dyslexia, movement breaks, small project work and extra reminders regarding tests.
Outside the school you might be able to find an individual tutor who is experienced with supporting ADHD children and who could give him some one-to-one support.
- John Sharry is clinical director of the Parents Plus Charity and an adjunct professor at the UCD School of Psychology. See details of courses at solutiontalk.ie
