When my boyfriend of eight years proposed to me while we were on holidays in Mexico in April, I was over the moon. I was so excited I wanted to burst. The first thing I said after saying "yes" was "let's get back to hotel wifi so we can FaceTime everyone". But tears of joy quickly turned to tears of sadness, as I realised that the next time I see my family will be at my wedding.
I was going to have to tell my nearest and dearest about my engagement over the phone. I wouldn’t be able to kiss my parents or grandparents. I just wanted a hug, not congratulations through a screen.
I wanted to sit down and chat over a cup of tea about my gorgeous ring, how he proposed, and ideas I had for the wedding. Instead, I found myself not wanting to talk much at all, because the longer I was on the phone, the more upset I got.
Then all the questions started. What will you do about bridesmaid dresses? When will you get your dress? What about a hairdresser and make up?
Instead of getting in the car on a Saturday morning with my family and looking at venues together, they have had to do this in Ireland without me, as I watch on through a screen here in the US. I am so grateful to them for this, as it would be impossible to organise the wedding from abroad without everything they have done for us so far.
Part of the fun of getting married should be tasting the food and wine with your loved ones, having a girls’ day out picking dresses, testing makeup looks, or being able to practice the father-daughter dance with my dad. Instead of this being one of the happiest and exciting times of my life, I am constantly sad because I can’t do these things.
My future mother and sister-in-law have been great and will come dress shopping with me here, but my own mum and sister will only be with me through FaceTime. I am so grateful for this piece of technology though, and thankful I don’t have to rely on letters or emails. Being able to see their faces and the joy and happiness on my grandparents’ faces when I showed them the ring is something I will never forget, but I will also never forget the feeling of wanting to reach through the screen and touch them.
I left Ireland in 2008 to get my degree in the US, and I have lived outside of Ireland since then. Moving to Louisiana resulted in me meeting my future husband, and his wonderful family. I have also made life-long friends in Louisiana, I am happy here. But I miss being able to call into Granny and Granda Coyle for a cup of tea, or watching Countdown with my Granny Casey. I miss going to the Rovers matches with my dad, walks on the beach with my mum and going for runs with my two siblings in Sligo's beautiful countryside.
I miss it all, but this homesickness I’ve experienced since our engagement is by far the worst I have had. One day we would both love to live in Ireland or even the UK, but due to visa problems for my fiancé and the lack of employment opportunities, it is just not possible yet.
Now we are planning our wedding, it really kicks home that for the foreseeable future a lot of the most important and joyous moments in my life will be experienced abroad, alone, and through a computer.
