Quickly following on the heels of much wished-for hot weather in Ireland, are the complaints about said hot weather. Then there are the people who complain about the complainers. This is Ireland, and we take our complaining seriously.
However, our heat-related moaning is completely understandable. We are unequipped for high temperatures and all of the thigh rubbing, eyelid sweating, and weird insects which result from it. Air conditioning is a concept resigned only to legend and fancy hotels. Sunscreen is for the weak of spirit and epidermis. If you don’t go to bed aching and lightheaded, then you haven’t taken enough direct and debilitating sunlight direct to the pate.
Sleeping in the heat, though, this is a challenge we all face. If you share a bed with a person you usually quite like, you suddenly rather hate them. This week legislation will be passed mandating that all pathological spooners be fired from a cannon directly into the sun. Sleeping in this heat is by far the most uncomfortable aspect of good weather, but there are things you can do to help (other than leaving your husband/wife of several years or, every time they turn in bed, screaming ‘get your feet away from me!’ so shrilly that only dogs can hear you).
There are some very obvious and cost effective options – open every window you can find (after turning off the lights, otherwise your room will become a night club for sexually confused and frustrated moths). Remove the duvet from the bed and either burn it, cursing it forever, or place it in a cupboard somewhere. Sleep under the duvet cover or a thin sheet, and keep a fresh glass of water by the bed (to throw at your partner if they attempt to spoon you).
A humidifier and a fan are both hugely soothing in the heat. The Dyson Humidifier (€549.99 at dyson.ie) is very pricy but incorporates both, and for me, had the added bonus of reducing the sinus dryness that led to my seven-sinus-infections-in-one-year record. There is no plaque for that sort of achievement.
Humidifiers make dry heat less intense and help you to sleep comfortably and soundly. The cheapest humidifier at Argos is priced at €32.99, and you can find them even cheaper online, though the Dyson is worth investing in for lifelong humidifier converts. A fan placed behind a bowl of ice is also a godsend on muggy nights, though the relief won’t last you through the night as ice is notorious for melting into a water-like substance, which tends to be less cold than ice, quite quickly.
Silk is an optimal fabric for temperature regulation, keeping you warm in winter and cool in summer. The Slip Silk Pillow Case (€99) is more breathable than cotton, resulting in less creased skin when you wake up (always a good thing), as well as less sweating of both skin and scalp. I can get an extra day out of my hair before I need to wash it thanks to this pillow case. As all long haired women will tell you, this makes the value of the pillow case in actuality stand at several million Euro plus your first born.
If you need even more incentive to switch to a silk pillow case, it reduces breakage and splitting of hair by minimising friction, tearing and pulling. Loose Fitting Cotton or Silk Pyjamas will also help to keep you from overheating and prevent sweat going directly into the sheets.
Blackout curtains will help keep the bedroom from overheating in the peak of the sun, ensuring it’s cooler when you do get to bed that evening. They have the added benefit of preventing you from shooting out of bed in the four in the morning sunshine, presuming that it is full day and you’re late for work, and promptly stepping on an upturned plug. If you don’t have blackout curtains (IKEA do them), then keep the blinds or curtains that you do have in the bedroom closed during the day. Every Irish mammy will attempt to open them, saying ‘the place looks like a doss house with the curtains closed in the middle of the day like that’.
Under no circumstances should you listen to this mammy. Instead, distract her with news of someone’s daughter marrying an accountant, or start a weather-related conversation on the ‘grand drying’ out.
This Works Deep Sleep Pillow Spray (€22 at Arnotts) is something of a placebo product, but it is cooling and relaxing, and misted very liberally over the pillow from a distance of around thirty centimetres, it leaves the pillow slightly damp and intensely fragranced with lavender. The scent is soothing and signals that it is time to wind down. It may also distract from how bad you will inevitably smell after a day in the office in this weather. What on earth possessed you to cycle home? Are you insane?
Finally, try a facial mist. Anyone who has tried a good quality facial mist will recognise its utility. They can be used in a number of ways – to refresh the skin, to make skincare go further, to liquefy powder makeup products, and to dampen hours-old makeup before reapplying concealer. The first use, though, shouldn’t be underestimated. In hot weather, a facial mist cools and refreshes the skin. Caudalie Beauty Elixir (€12.50 at Arnotts) contains a touch of peppermint oil, which makes it feel particularly nice and cooling in hot weather. Mist it onto your face and exposed body parts through the day and before bed to feel immediately cooler.
Failing all of these, fill the bath with one inch of cold water, put on your swimming costume, and sleep in there. Do not do this if you have children, however, as the psychological trauma they will undergo if they see you in this condition will warp them for eternity.
