Hands off the kids

Ireland is under increasing pressure to make smacking by parents illegal

IRELAND IS coming under renewed pressure from the Council of Europe and children’s rights campaigners to make smacking of children by parents illegal.

The absence of a total ban on corporal punishment was found to be in breach of human rights legislation five years ago, following a case taken by the World Organisation Against Torture.

The Government’s response was that it wanted to eradicate all physical punishment of children, but first parents needed to be educated about other ways of disciplining.

“There is a balance to be found in trying to dissuade parents from using physical chastisement and supporting them in effective parenting versus criminalising parents who smack,” says a spokesman for the Office of the Minister for Children.

But the Children's Rights Alliance, which is backing the Council of Europe's Raise Your Hand Against Smackingcampaign, and prominent children's charities are calling for legislation to be introduced without further delay.

It is about leadership from the top – from the Minister for Children – saying there should be no hitting of children, and that we know there is a better way of doing things, says Norah Gibbons, director of advocacy with Barnardos.

Sweden outlawed all corporal punishment 30 years ago and 19 other European countries have followed suit.

In the absence of such legislation here, parents can continue to be ambivalent about the use of physical punishment in the home. While few nowadays would admit to “walloping” their child, many argue that a “tap” or the “odd slap” is occasionally needed.

But clinical psychologist Marie Murray says: “It is the principle and not about degrees. It does not work and it is humiliating.

“There is something deeply offensive about the imprint of a large hand on a tiny limb,” she comments.

Writer and former Miss Ireland Amanda Brunker stirred up controversy last week when she spoke on TV3's Ireland AMprogramme about how she had slapped her two sons, aged four and two, as a last resort.

“I have smacked them hard enough to leave a visible mark,” she said. “I don’t do it often but at least I am honest.”

Now that the elder child had “felt the sting of my hand” and had reached the age of four she could rationalise with him a bit better, she said, adding, however, that she had found the younger child “will give you a whack back”.

Smacking is always wrong, says clinical psychologist Michael Mullally. “If you teach a child that the way to get someone to do what you want is to hit them, whatever the strength of the hit, that is what you are teaching them.”

Parenting coach Joan Barrett was smacked when she was young but resolved not to use physical punishment with any of her six children. She advocates mutual respect between parents and children.

“When parents don’t know what to do, they resort to slapping,” she says. She believes the message needs to go out that it is never necessary.

Murray says smacking “is usually a measure of parental anger rather than the need of the child”. She warns of the “toxicity” of that mixed message of “I love you and I hit you”.

There was once a law in this country that allowed men to hit their wives, points out Gibbons.

“Nobody would tolerate that now, so why do we tolerate it for little children?

TO SLAP OR NOT TO SLAP: WHAT DO YOU THINK?

Should smacking of children by parents be made illegal in Ireland?

We put this question to a sample of adults on the main street of Dún Laoghaire, Co Dublin, last Saturday afternoon:

"Yes. I have never slapped any of my four children." - Mary Tiernan

"As a parent I am not going to say cut it out completely. It does work. I have slapped my daughter three times in 10 years – not a hard, hard slap." - Lorraine O'Shea

"Yes. If you change the law you can change people's attitudes. There are still a lot of people who think a good hard slap does no harm. But I don't how you would enforce it." - David Swift

"It depends on the harshness of it [smacking]. It is all right once in a blue moon, but no I wouldn't use it." - Karen Doyle

"Smacking is not acceptable, but it is still going on behind closed doors. It should not be made illegal because if the system lets you down, it would leave you open to prosecution as a parent." - Derek Murray

"Depends on how hard; I would give my daughter a slap on the back of the hand. I know a lot of people who would agree with that." - Nakita Saunders

"Yes. I never did it for my two children. There are other ways of disciplining children." - Fidelma Healy

"No. Parents have a right to discipline their kids. I have no kids of my own, but I once slapped my niece when she was bold. I don't believe in slapping regularly." - Tom O'Toole