Christmas for me starts when . . .The lights go up on Grafton Street and everyone starts to moan about it. There is panic on the streets, parents fight each other in shops for the latest toys, turkeys start to look worried and people can drink freely from around 10am onwards and not be judged for it.
Last Christmas…My house was bereft of a Christmas tree. It's been that way for years, mainly because we spend Christmas with our families and are usually working up until the day, so we never have time to decorate.
This Christmas . . . I won't leave the house, I'll become a hermit. I'll wear the same tracksuit for days, it will eventually have to be coaxed from me and burned in the back garden when I'm not looking. Every year I have to watch "Singing in the Rain" - I scour the channels looking for it and I drive everyone mad until I've found it.
I'll never forget the Christmas that . . .Gordon Ramsey insisted on cooking Christmas dinner for myself, Sarah Silverman, Sigourney Weaver and Chris Pratt. Channing Tatum showed up dressed as Santa, and then proposed to me in front of everyone. It was really embarrassing as I'm already married. He started crying hysterically and I was forced to slap him across the face to get him to calm down. Gordon started shouting curse words at everyone for no reason. Okay, so none of that actually happened but that would have been a Christmas I'd never forget.
My favourite thing about this time of year is . . . Having the heating up full blast until my face starts to melt. And dressing up head to toe in the cosiest item of clothing known to mankind - the fleece pyjama.
The one thing that brings out my inner Grinch is . . . In 1984 I asked Santa for a Unicorn and I'm still waiting for it. Get it sorted Santa - this is your last chance.
The perfect gift for my ears would be . . . Mariah Carey's "All I want for Christmas is You" on repeat.
The perfect gift for my eyes would be . . . A Barbados sunset and bright blue waves crashing in front of me. Then I look down and someone has placed a fresh Pina Colada in my hand. Sigh.
It wouldn't be Christmas without . . . Santa. Obviously. And my family, they are my favourite people on the planet.
I don't want a lot for Christmas, there is just one thing I need ... A weighing scales and some more mince pies, please.
