ROADTEST: BMW's new 120d coupé is a fun machine to drive, and a triumph of retro tinkering but, says Michael McAleer, motoring editor, the costs outweight the fun.
LET'S START with the good news: the BMW 120d coupé may not be the most practical car in its class, but it's fantastic fun to drive. The small stubby body gives it proper coupé proportions and, more importantly, creates a weight distribution that makes it one of the tidiest cars when it comes to corners.
The coupé is also a complete car, something the hatchback somehow fails to be. A small hatchback BMW is a step too far for many fans.
In fact, the consensus among motoring hacks is that the Bavarians got the 1-Series launch wrong. Brave and cutting edge as they like to be, they should have gone with the coupé first and used the positive feedback to sneak a hatchback into showrooms a few months later.
Certainly sales of the 1-Series have not been stellar, but then again BMW somehow seems to be able to convert even the most nonsensical models into cash: X3 anyone? That's because, a bit like some of the Fords out there, they've got great underpinnings. No, I'm not talking about their nuts and bolts, though by all accounts those are pretty reliable these days. It's the fun you can have behind the wheel.
Part of this is due to the sharp handling characteristics that blend well with a suspension system that's not too harsh on bumpy roads, but lacks the spongy roller-coaster ride of some rivals.
One other trait that wins us over to the coupé, and makes us forgive the boxy hatchback format of its direct sibling, is that BMW preserved the rear wheel drive format that is so much a part of its DNA.
With this particular version of the coupé you get a very neat and tidy package, with a powerful 175bhp 2.0-litre diesel engine and all that crisp handling. It's a laboured point - mostly by BMW aficionados - but the 1-Series coupé was designed with early generation 3-Series coupés in mind.
There's no question that you sacrifice rear space compared to rivals such as the VW Golf or the Audi A3. Both can accommodate adults in the rear, while a 1-Series coupé requires levels of dexterity only available to teenage Russian gymnasts.
However, we did not spend the week driving this latest incarnation solely to offer up praise to its underpinnings or test rear seat legroom. Instead we were being introduced to the latest retrofit tinkering effort on offer to customers.
Some brands attract a level of devotion only matched by celebrities and New Age religions. Indeed, your Motors team of hacks can claim its fair share of these eBay prowlers, who spend more on keeping dilapidated classics on the go than they do on their own healthcare. These folk know that a team of German engineers with more letters after their names than a Countdownconundrum have spent several painstaking years crafting the best small coupé they can within their multimillion euro budget.
Good for them, but there's always the milkman from Thurles who reckons he can tweak the suspension that little bit better. And he's joined by a bunch of spotty lads from Ballyshannon who have moulded a Ford Cosworth spoiler to fit the bootlid of a 1990s 7-Series "for better aerodynamics". Why didn't BMW think of that? "Never mind wind tunnels: they only had to take it up by Gweedore to see the benefits of a proper tailfin on its rump."
Of course, it's not just those with home welding kits who have taken to tinkering with BMWs. Small auto engineering outfits litter Germany, and they pride themselves on turning good cars into absolute monsters. For example, Hartge has a 5.0-litre 444bhp version of the 1-Series hatchback that does 0-100km/h in just 4.6 seconds. And yes, as you have deduced, it's completely insane.
If you do manage to drive this car to its ability, you better live near the autobahn. If you own it in Ireland, you'll also earn yourself a personal thank you letter from Brian Lenihan for your efforts in balancing his budget.
For years, most of the manufacturers held their noses when it came to the retrofit market. However, their accountants quickly spotted its potential.
For years they watched owners of 316 models rebadge their cars as M3s. It made a mockery of the intricate engineering of the real thing, and though the difference could be spotted from 20 miles by even the most myopic motoring fan, the trend continued. In the end, BMW couldn't resist getting in on the act with its M-Sport badging. After all, the demand for such merchandise was nearly as incredible as the evident mark-up.
Not content with the M-Sport kit, the brand has now introduced a new Performance package for its 1-Series and 3-Series model ranges. What you get is a smart set of 18-inch wheels, figure-hugging front sports seats that swallow up whatever legroom there was in the back, some carbon fibre accoutrements such as wing mirrors clip-ons and a boot spoiler, revamped front air ducts, improved brakes and a really fancy steering wheel.
The steering wheel is the pièce de résistance. A mixture of leather and stitched suede, it features a stopwatch and small info panel at the top, with two sets of rev lights on either side. Fail to change up early and the lights flicker from amber to red just to let you know you're near the rev limit. The idea is taken from racing cars where drivers ensconced in helmets and too busy watching the track to keep an eye on the rev counter need some form of signal to let them know when to change up. Not entirely necessary for the N4.
In the end, there are worse vices than spending money on your car and adding a few extras is no more of a sin than owning more than two pairs of shoes or a house with more than one spare bedroom.
However, sometimes even car fanatics need some financial counsel. Let's take this 120d. With SE specification you are already spending nearly €40,000 on a car that's great to drive, but hardly the most practical motor on the road. Throwing in a few treats like a USB connection adds €358, another €916 for an in-built Bluetooth system and perhaps - for that touch of luxury - leather trim for a princely sum of €1,900.
The end result is nothing to be sniffed at, and certainly it will take a certain amount of cajoling of the bank manager to get that sort of cash.
Now add the Performance Pack, and watch the bank manager faint. It means €2,905 for the sports seats, €2,783 for the 18" alloys - we'd have these even if they make the ride harsher - and €983 for that funky steering wheel. Add in the labour costs and the carbon fibre features, and the entire Performance package comes to the princely price of €12,241. That's a 30 per cent increase on the SE version. To devotees this is nothing more than they spend on keeping their ageing E30 version 318 on the road. To the rest of us, it seems slightly insane.
Admittedly the car looks fantastic; but not fantastic enough for that extra spend.
Given that its still a 120d at the end of the day - albeit dressed in carbon fibre - we'd probably direct our attention towards a VW Golf R32, and Audi A5 2.7-litre diesel, or even a BMW 320d M Sport coupé.
For us, the Performance pack is about €10,000 too close to financial insanity. For others, immune to the machinations of the financial markets and devoted to being different from the rest, it's probably worth selling that second kidney. Not us.
BMW 120d SE Performance
Engine:1995cc four-cylinder diesel putting out 175bhp @ 4,000rpm and 350Nm of torque @ 3,000rpm
0-100km/h: 7.6 seconds
BHP: 175
Max speed:228km/h
Specification:SE Version retails at €38,688. Add in leather seats at €1,900 and the start on Performance pack that features: sport seats (€29,057.74); high gloss grille (€136.72); carbon spoiler (€383.52); carbon mirror caps (€320.86); 18" alloys (€2,783.73); sports steering wheel (€983.62); aerodynamic pack (€1,695.39); braking system (€1,577.87). Prices include labour costs but not VAT, whch comes to an additional €1,456.30
L/100km (mpg): urban: 6.1 (46.3); extra-urban: 4.1 (68.9); combined: 4.8 (58.9)
Consumption:4.8L/100km(58.9mpg)
CO2 emissions:128g/km
Tax bands:VRT: 16 per cent; annual motor tax: €150
Price (incl Performance pack):€50,931