EMISSIONS:Here's a way to run an election campaign while fixing our roads at the same time, writes KILIAN DOYLE
I’M ASSUMING you have heard of the “Broken Windows” theory, the central hypothesis of which is that a failure to deal with seemingly minor public order issues – such as vandalism – could lead to a cascade of social decline and the erosion of public confidence in civic leaders.
Potholes are, in a sense, no different to broken windows. How we treat our transport infrastructure – in which countless billions have been invested – is symbolic of how we regard our economy.
Thus, every pothole becomes a dent not only in the tarmac, but also in public trust. Every time a motorist bursts a tyre or shatters an alloy in a pothole, the Government loses credibility. For how could an administration that can’t fill a few craters be expected to plug the much larger hole in the public finances threatening to gobble us all up?
The Government doesn’t seem to have twigged this connection. In last April’s supplementary Budget, they cut the National Roads Authority’s budget for road maintenance by €5 million to €44 million. Penurious county councils across the land are also being forced to slash the amount they spend on road upkeep.
As recent election results attest, the Government’s reputation has taken a major battering. While potholes are not entirely to blame, they have an impact, particularly when it comes to council votes.
As the adage goes, all politics is local. Nobody cares if their town or county councillor understands the nuances of Nama or if they have read the Lisbon Treaty. They want to know what they’re going to do about litter, parking or drains and – most of all – how good they are at filling potholes.
From Kerry to Cavan to Donegal, many voters decided who to support on the basis of candidates’ ability to sort out the gaping maws pockmarking Ireland’s glorious byways and highways.
This is a lesson to all the failed candidates. If they ever intend to try to get elected again, they’ll need to drastically raise their pothole-fixing reputations first.
Fortunately for them, I have a quick and easy solution. Follow my clever plan, and they’ll be shoo-ins next time.
First, they need to gather up all their leftover election literature, crunch it up, mix it with a bit of glue and fill every pothole they can find with it. Once stuffed, they can seal the holes with their recycled plastic election posters. It might take a bit of melting around the edges to make them stick, but stick they will.
If the politicians have the good grace to place their posters face up, it’ll do no harm.
For not only will it be free advertising for them, but we motorists will be afforded the pleasure of driving over their heads on a daily basis.
There is another obvious benefit to politicians.
Those who are undecided whether or not to go to the trouble and expense of mounting another election campaign could use these pothole-covers as a gauge of voter sentiment by watching how motorists react when they see their faces beaming from the road.
If cars drive at pace over their mugs, stop, reverse and drive over them again, they can safely assume they won’t be resting their backsides in a council chamber any time in the near future.
If motorists skid to a halt on approach, before carefully driving around their face, it probably means that they love the candidate and wouldn’t dream of sullying their adorable visage with their mucky tyres.
However, a word of warning. Circumnavigation could also mean that punters suspect there is no substance behind the smile and the candidate is incapable of bearing the weight of their expectations.
The voters evidently feel that were they to trust them, they will find themselves plummeting headlong into a black, greedy pit from which it could take years to escape.