BIKES OF THE YEAR:After long stints in various saddles, Tom Robertselects his bike of the year
GOOD GRIEF, I woke up on Saturday morning and realised that I'd been riding a different motorbike every weekend since last Christmas. Anyway, on Saturday, I looked out of the window at the ice covering the avenue, and decided that in the circumstances the best thing to do was light the fire, settle into my favourite armchair and have a good old think about my favourite bikes of the past year.
The weirdest by far had to be the Gilera Fuoco, the three-wheeled scooter on which you could amuse yourself for hours by pulling up to traffic lights and, as you were drawing to a halt, press the button on the right handlebar to lock the two front wheels then sit there with your feet up, defying gravity and earning a series of double-takes from car drivers and pedestrians.
Of more practical use on the Fuoco was the fact that if you hit a patch of diesel in the rain on a two-wheeler, you're on your ear before you know it. Hit it on this, and the front wheels just slide and waggle a bit. And that's it.
At the other end of the scale, the best cruiser of the year was a tough call between the Rocket Touring, the fully-dressed version of Triumph's 2.3 litre interplanetary missile which proved that this was always a bike crying out for a touring kit, and Harley's latest Road King.
Harley improved this bike hugely in 2007 with a bigger engine, more torque at low revs, a quieter six-speed gearbox and a silk-smooth lightweight clutch - then, rather than finding some nice comfortable laurels to rest on, have just produced a 2009 model in which they've managed to stiffen the frame by a remarkable 62 per cent.
They've also widened the back tyre to a hefty 180mm, improved the tyres and made Brembo brakes and ABS standard. All of which creates a motorcycle which in spite of weighing 332kg is as easy to handle around town as a Vespa.
And out on the open road is so smooth, powerful and stable that it makes you feel, as you effortlessly eat up the miles towards the distant horizon, like nothing more or less, funny enough, than a king of the road.
Best built-in fantasy came with the retro-styled Harley Crossbones, since every Harley comes with a fantasy. But in terms of pure speed, though, the best cornering bike of the year was the Suzuki GSXR-600, on which I managed to raise the world record for my favourite righthander all the way from 40mph to 50mph.
Best sound system, if that's not too strange a category, was the Harley Ultra Classic, the top of the range version of the Electra Glide which I will never forget riding to the North West 200 with Wagner's Ride of the Valkyries sending startled squirrels hurtling up trees.
Best sports bike was a tie between the Honda Fireblade and the Suzuki Hyabusa.
If bikes were people, the Fireblade would be a nymphomaniac, who'd been to a very good finishing school.
Honda has been tweaking, racing, thinking and doodling about this iconic motorcycle for so many years that the 2008 version is still the fastest thing on the planet short of a Eurofighter, but so smoothly manageable that it manages to make even a complete idiot know what he's doing.
The slipper clutch is superb, and the second generation steering damper works brilliantly at eliminating snatch or oversteer on your way into corners, even if the same idiot in you leaves your braking a bit too late.
The Hayabusa, meanwhile, was like a Fireblade on steroids, producing the best overtaking ability I've ever seen on a bike, not to mention incredibly planted handling and looks which are a hymn to the curve, a sweeping symphony of Gothic swoops which means that if Batman is ever looking for a replacement Batbike, he need look no further.
Which also makes it my most stylish bike of the year, just ahead of the Moto Guzzi Stelvio.
Only the Italians could make a big trailie look this sexy, never mind one which rides much better, for example, than its obvious rival, the more expensive BMW R1200GS.
Put it this way: if the Guzzi was a woman, you'd want to marry it and have its children, never mind the pain.
Scariest bike of the year? No contest: it has to be the Kawasaki ZX-10 Ninja. Until you get used to it, you spend much of your time aboard thinking: "I'm going to die, but I'm having so much fun I don't care."
And the overall winner?
Drum roll, please, Cyril. I think it has to be the Road King. Nothing else makes me want to walk over to it, zip up my leather jacket and head for the horizon quite as much.