The bling-bling Texas car show that's all about looking "fly" on the highwayAs Republicans gathered in New York in honour of George 'Dubya', back in his home state, Conor Twomey joined young Texans whose only interest is Dubs, the enormous gleaming alloy wheels which have become 'bling' hip-hop emblems
Lets make one thing clear from the offset: this car show has almost nothing to do with the cars involved. It's more of a cultural event, a celebration of the hip-hop lifestyle and all that that entails.
The Dub Magazine Superseries Celebrity Car Show and Concert is somewhere for the "playaz", "pimps" and "thugz" to get their "bling on" and show off their "rides".
It's all about looking "fly", earning respect in the "hood" and getting attention from the "shorties". At least that's what show-car owner Harold Chaeney told me when I asked him what in the name of God he was thinking when he decided to "pimp" a banana yellow '96 Chevy Impala.
I can't say I was any the wiser at the end of his explanation, but I was sure about one thing: He didn't use the words "car" or "drive" once.
Dub is not two years old yet but already it's one of the top-selling car magazines in the US. There are no road tests, no reviews, no vehicle news. It's mostly just a collection of photographs and interviews with celebrities who want to talk about their cars.
The rest of the magazine is given over to ads that pedal the accessories found on the cars, and that, folks, is pretty much it. It has, however, become the cornerstone for a whole new genre of car customisation to the point where Dub even has its own line of accessories, sound systems, model vehicles and, of course, car shows and concerts.
Unlike the majority of Max Power cars, the modifications made to the vehicles in Dub magazine are generally not performance related.
Usually the original car is a top-of-the-line model with a huge V8 or V12 engine, so it's not really in need of more go. Instead, the emphasis is on the looks and in particular the wheels, which must be "Dubs" if you want to be taken seriously. "Dubs" is the street name for any wheels with a diameter of 20-inches or more and anything sub-Dub just doesn't cut the mustard, I'm afraid.
One wheel manufacturer calls itself TIS, "Twenty Inches Strong". Its unique selling point is that the size of the wheel is written on the centre cap so there's no doubts about your size - boom, boom.
Dubs generally tend to be chrome plated with a clean mirror finish, to pull more attention as they glisten in the California sun. Designs vary from simple five- and six-spoke wheels to bizarre asymmetrical patterns.
If that's not enough spangle for you, you can always go for some Spinners, usually six-spoke wheels with a second set of spokes which keep spinning after the car has stopped. They were made popular by NBA basketball player Latrell Sprewell after his brother, a custom-shop owner, put one of the first sets on his car and are occasionally called "Sprewells".
The newest Spinners to hit the streets feature a simple spoke design on a black background plate (there are no holes in the wheel), making the car look like a giant "Hot Wheels" toy when it's stopped.
When it's moving, the weighted plate doesn't move, creating the illusion that the wheels are stopped as the car glides by. It's a bit like automotive moonwalking.
The clean exterior finish on these cars is a refreshing change from the gaudy abominations of the 2fast2furious set. Usually, there's a rich custom paint-job and some nice finishing touches such as dark window tints, chrome mirrors and a hand-made "Struts" grille.
Inside, the emphasis is completely on luxury so expect multiple LCD screens and DVD players, video game consoles, massive bass-heavy sound systems, sumptuous fabrics and leathers (ostrich skin is the current trim-du-jour) and perhaps some personalisation in the form of monogrammed seats or embroidered floor mats.
You wouldn't exactly call a lot of this tasteful, but you have to admire the workmanship and skill that goes into them.
Naturally, everyone on the Dub scene is trying to outdo each other, so wheels are getting bigger and more outlandish. It's at the point where someone has managed to cram 20" rims under a MINI, 24" wheels underneath an S-Class and monstrous 28" alloys into the wheel-wells of a Hummer H2.
Combined with super-slim tyres, achieving such an extreme look can get expensive. Wheels and tyres alone can cost as much as $20,000, before you even consider the work that has to be done to make them fit.
Fortunately for the pungently wealthy owners of most of these vehicles, "twenty Gs" is pocket change, so you'll often find a unique hydraulic suspension installed to make the thing driveable.
Not that most of these cars get driven much. According to Terry Holly, proud owner of a magnificently finished pearlescent white Chevy Avalanche, you can't drive a two-ton truck around on skinny tyres because if you hit a pothole you'll blow a hole in the sidewall of a €1,000 tyre or worse again, bend a $4,000 wheel. His vehicle spends most of its time in a garage under a cover, which seems like a frightful waste of $50,000 for someone who isn't a flashy rapper but a humble accountant.
In Terry's eyes, though, it's money well spent, especially when I tell him he must look like a gangster driving around in it. I meant that literally and not entirely approvingly, but apparently it's about the biggest compliment I could have paid him.
"I really appreciate that, man," he says, grinning. No problem, Terry. I'm just keepin' it real.
Of course, this is the whole point of Dubs - you're telling people you've got so much money burning a hole in your pocket you can afford to blow thousands making your ride totally unique.
According to the girls at the show, a man driving a Dubbed vehicle has not only got money, but also an appreciation for the finer things in life.
They see him as someone who will lavish gifts on them and take them to fancy restaurants. The girls enjoy being driven around in these flashy cars and revel in the attention and respect they get from peers and other road users.
Not surprisingly, the girls are often as, er, well presented and as high-maintenance as the cars they're drawn to - not exactly "bring home to mum" material, but the perfect accessory for any Dub vehicle. It's blatant shallowness on everyone's part, but at least it's mutually beneficial.
As I wander around the hall, the thump of Twista performing live in the background, I suddenly notice that most of the cars here are American-made machines.
The trucks are obvious - no European or Japanese maker (except Porsche) builds an SUV that dares to compete with the OTT ostentation of the Cadillac Escalade, Lincoln Navigator or Hummer H2.
But why is the Chrysler 300 so popular? Why so many Dodge Magnums? Could it be that only an American car can look right Dubbed out? Or has it something to do with the fact that the 300's designer, Ralph Gilles, is an African American and perhaps has an innate sense of what appeals to the hip-hop generation?
Whatever the reason, fashionable celebrities have taken the handsome 300 to their bosoms, with P Diddy, Shaquille O Neal and Snoop Dogg among the list of proud owners. All the advertising in the world can't buy that kind of street cred.
Once rappers Nina Sky have finished their gyrating set and the parade of giggling cellulite known as the "Bikini Jam" is over, the crowd begins to dissipate and head home.
They've been entertained, they've taken away ideas for their own rides and they even had an impromptu fist-fight thrown in as an added diversion. The Dub Celebrity Car Show and Concert is not just a spectacle, it's also a detailed insight into the outlandish world of hip-hop, basketball, and black celebrity in America.
The vehicles here are custom-made pieces of bling-bling jewellery with wheels, meant to convey a message rather than passengers. Like I said, it really has almost nothing to do with the cars.