His assignment: to drive a €380,000 car from Dublin to Belfast to celebrate Ferrari's 60th anniversary. His co-driver: a fiery Italian with an encyclopedic knowledge of Ferraris . . . not a bad day at the office, then, for Paddy Comyn
Getting your weekly assignments can be a mixed bag. It could be hounding the Government press office over VRT, going to a press conference for the unveiling of a face-lifted version of a car that boasts new indicators and larger cup-holders.
If you have been really bold, then you might be sent to talk to an ashtray engineer.
So, when the phone rang last Monday morning and the Motoring Editor gave me the following instruction, "Paddy, you need to be at the Mansion House at 9.30 in the morning. You are driving a Ferrari to Belfast with a Garda escort," you could say I was rather pleased.
Roll forward 24 hours and after a train journey from Drogheda that would put the overcrowding of Japan in the shade, I'm feeling nervous. Walking past the gates of Trinity College I feel like I am on my way to a first date with a ridiculously beautiful woman. I have dressed "extra special" today and put the best aftershave on. I can't imagine getting this excited over any other brand of car.
The sight of one Ferrari on the streets of Dublin is enough to cause widespread neck injuries, so as I round the corner into Dawson Street to see a line of gleaming and mostly red cars jostling for position outside the Mansion House, I am no longer a grown man. I am eight years old.
Except today, this overgrown child gets to muscle his way past the feverishly clicking camera phones and wade through the clouds of testosterone. Because today, one of them is all mine.
The reason for this incredible sight is that, as part of the 60th anniversary of Ferrari, the firm has undertaken a mammoth relay event that started in Abu Dhabi on January 29th and has travelled through the Middle East, China, Japan, Australia, South Africa, America and the whole of Europe, where it will eventually end in Maranello, Italy, the home of Ferrari, on June 23rd.
As a prelude to the UK leg, which started on April 18th from the Charles Hurst dealership in Belfast en route to Silverstone, Ferrari and Charles Hurst invited its customers, many of them from the Republic of Ireland, to join them on a little warm-up drive from Dublin to Belfast.
All involved had hoped for "about 30 cars" but by 10.30am, there were 45 cars causing organised havoc in the capital. I was still awaiting news of my car close to the set-off time, when it finally arrived, carrying the Italian ambassador, who was arriving for the ceremonial handshake with Dublin's Lord Mayor.
The left-hand drive, silver, Italian-registered Ferrari 612 Scaglietti ambled in, all 12 cylinders gurgling like a very naughty baby. And then, just before I didn't think my day was going to get any better, I was introduced to my co-driver. Flaxen-haired, Roman-born and Maranello-educated, Beatrice from Ferrari UK knows more about Ferraris than most, and introduced herself as my passenger. I was hoping the alarm clock wouldn't go off anytime soon.
The first task was to get all the cars - including several 360 Modenas, 355s, 430s, a 328 GTS, and, almost unbelievably, a right-hand drive Irish-owned F50 (think hen and teeth) belonging to businessman Alan Hanly - out of Dublin quickly and in one piece. This is where the Garda pulled off a performance that would make you proud to be Irish. Within minutes of setting off, 13 Garda bikes stomped us through Dublin in front of a bemused crowd.
By now, I had nestled into the seat of the 612 Scaglietti (six-litre, 12-cylinder and Scaglietti was a Modenese coach-builder, before you ask) and had negotiated its 16-foot length and 6-foot 5-inch width though Dublin unscathed.
With a mammoth 540bhp under my right foot, controlled by an F1-style paddle shift, showman-like growls of the exhaust are all too easy. But as it transpires, exploring this car's performance is not likely to be on the cards today.
We line-up following a Garda SUV for the whole length of the M1 motorway towards Newry, my right foot cocked and ready, but my speedometer never crossing 80km/h. Like a date with Scarlet Johansson with her mother in tow, this was looking like a frustrating afternoon.
The drive to the Border, despite the lack of pace, was not without ceremony and Beatrice was able to tell me every detail about the car we were driving. It has the "handling pack" and because it is the flagship of the range, you can pretty much have it specified any way you like. With a price tag starting at €380,000, you would expect nothing less.
Following the exchange of the ceremonial relay baton at the Border, we swapped police forces, with the PSNI taking over. With fewer officers present than down south, the convoy broke up a little, and we could finally get to go beyond jogging pace.
There is nothing really to prepare you for the bark of 12 finely-tuned cylinders. It is a cliché, but the hairs on the back of your head jump to attention and, with Beatrice whooping and yelping encouragement beside me in her native tongue, it would not be difficult to get carried away.
But today is all about restraint. We stop at Slieve Donard in Newcastle, Co Down for a bite and a moment to chat with some of the owners and drivers. It is always easy to draw conclusions about owners of cars that cost more than my house, but each driver I met was a proper car lover. The difference was that hard work and good fortune had meant that they could indulge their passion at the very highest level.
The final part of the journey, from Newcastle to Belfast, would mean a change of car. The 599 GTB Fiorano is a more hardcore model. It is still a 6.0-litre, still a V12, but now with 611bhp, the potential to reach 100km/h in 3.7 seconds and on the right road, this car could reach a staggering 329 km/h.
Here is a car that is quicker than the legendary F40, but nowhere near as scary. Perhaps the ultimate front-engined supercar. It is hugely fast with astonishing acceleration. It should be, with an engine derived from the Ferrari Enzo. Boasting F1-Trac (a brilliant traction and stability system), F1 Superfast (a lightning fast gearshift system) plus on our car, ceramic brakes, this is a hooligan to the Scaglietti's gentleman. In terms of sense of occasion, the 599 has it nailed. But, yet again, the drive allowed only a very occasion nip of the throttle. All too little to get a real sense of what this car can do.
As we rolled into Belfast, parked the prancing horses and my taxi took me to the train, the driver said in his best Belfast brogue, "sure they are all just cars at the end of the day".
I smiled and nodded to avoid the debate. But how wrong he was.
Factfile
FERRARI 612 SCAGLIETTI
Price:€380,000
Engine:5,748cc V12 540bhp/588Nm
Performance:0-100km/h in 4.2 seconds
Max Speed:320km/h
Fuel Economy:13.6 mpg / 20.7 l/100km
CO2:475 g/km
FERRARI 599 FIORANO
Price:€370,000 (estimated)
Engine:5,999cc V12 611bhp / 607Nm
Performance:0-100km/h in 3.7 seconds
Max Speed:329km/h
Fuel Economy:21.3 mpg / 13.2 l/100km
CO2:490 g/km
THE FERRARI RELAY
The Ferrari 60 Relay started in Abu Dhabi on January 29th and will have travelled throughout the Middle East, China, Japan, Australia, South Africa, America and the whole of Europe before it ends in Maranello on June 23rd.
The Ferrari 60 Relay baton, which travels through each country, was created to symbolise Ferrari's history.
ENZO FERRARI
Enzo Ferrari was born in Modena on February 18th, 1898. His early years as a test and racing driver with Alfa Romeo spurred him to build his first car under his own name, the 125 S, which debuted in 1947. Ferrari won the Formula 1 Championship four times in the 1950s, twice in the 1960s and twice in the 1970s.
Enzo Ferrari died in Modena in 1988 at the age of 90, before the team that bore his name dominated the series from 1999 with six wins under the reign of Michael Schumacher.