SMALL PRINT:IT'S THE BEST news for aspiring cooks since Lidl began stocking frozen lobster: RTÉ is currently accepting applications for an Irish version of Masterchef. Much like Heston Blumenthal crouching over a pot of liquid nitrogen, there is a science to televised cooking, so by following our cheater's guide, you're almost guaranteed a place.
Be weirdCombine random ingredients – white pudding ice cream, scallop and Twix tartlet – and pass it off as innovation. Throw irrational fits and say things like "I only cook with my socks off" to unnerve competitors, allowing producers to believe you're a genius.
Flatter your mentorsDylan McGrath and Nick Munier are the bosses in the new series. Everyone knows chefs have egos bigger than Saturn's 62 moons (put together) so take inspiration from their signature dishes for points. McGrath's Mint became famous for its foie gras with prune terrine, and everyone raves about Pichet's Castletown Bere crab with mussels à la Grecque and sourdough toast. Don't rip them off, but make sure they know you're paying tribute to their greatness.
Steal ideasFor some reason, cooking venison guarantees TV chef success. On The Restaurant,publisher Michael O'Doherty got five stars for wowing critics with his version and the 2010 winner of British MasterchefDhruv Baker cooked his with chocolate chili oil.
Practice in-jokesOffer an ironic take on egg and chips, the staple of Fridays in the RTÉ canteen. Eventually your cooking will reach the complex satire of a New Yorkercartoon: everyone will be convinced they appreciate it, even if they don't actually know what's going on.
– Una Mullally
Teen spirit's all grown up
IT'S ONE OF THE ultimate songs of teenage angst, but even tunes grow up, and this week, Nirvana's Smells Like Teen Spiritis no longer a teenager, having been first performed 20 years ago. The track was introduced to the world on April 17th, 1991 at a gig in the OK Hotel in Seattle and went on to become the lead single from the band's debut album, Nevermind.
Smells Like Teen Spiritdefined an era of rock music, simultaneously erasing the dominance of cheesy hair metal and resigning a generation to aping the affected disaffection of its lyrics ("oh well / whatever / nevermind") although Cobain was pointedly addressing the "here we are now, entertain us" attitude of Generation X.
Nirvana drummer and Foo Fighters frontman Dave Grohl attests that there’s no great meaning to the song, as Cobain tended to come up with lyrics minutes before recording tracks. Cobain admitted he was deliberately trying to rip off The Pixies, mimicking their “quiet / loud” style.
Kathleen Hanna, the musician and feminist, was responsible for naming the track after writing “Kurt Smells Like Teen Spirit” on the wall of an apartment. Cobain took the graffiti to mean something profound, although Hanna was merely passing comment on the fact that Kurt smelled like the deodorant brand Teen Spirit, which his girlfriend and Hanna’s bandmate Tobi Veil had taken to wearing.
As much as the world embraced Smells Like Teen Spirit, giving Nirvana unprecedented success, Cobain grew to dislike it, even omitting it from gig set lists. Less than three years after the song was performed for the first time, Cobain would be found dead, addled by the fame the song had brought, his depression and heroin addiction.
Twenty years later, the song sounds as urgent as ever, a Big Bang moment in rock music that has yet to be topped.
– Una Mullally
