An ever-whirring washing machine and a mudbath instead of a garden. It's all part of life for this mother of three schoolboy rugby captains. Mary Hannigan meets Ellen O'Malley-Dunlop
When it comes to sporting highs and lows Ellen O'Malley-Dunlop has just about experienced it all. Such, of course, is the lot of any parent of a sporting son or daughter, but when, in five years, three of your sons have captained their school's senior rugby team you're guaranteed to have had a brush with every emotion imaginable.
The first captain, Donal, led Terenure College, in Dublin, to victory over Blackrock (21-19) in 2001, but only after losing in the previous year's final, by just two points, to Clongowes Wood College. Next, Alex. He captained the team that beat St Mary's, 3-0, in the 2003 final. Stuart was next in the Dunlop dynasty, captaining this season's senior team. "My first son, John Paul, started it all. He was on the cup squad, about 14 years ago now, and they lost in the semi-finals," says O'Malley-Dunlop. "Then, when Donal was in the team, they were beaten by the skin of their teeth, by a kick, in the final by Clongowes. The next year they won by the skin of their teeth. Then, with Alex, they were knocked out early, but the following year they won the cup - but each match was by the skin of their teeth."
There's a theme developing here, Ellen. "I know," she laughs, by now sounding drained, having relived every Terenure skin-of-their-teeth victory or defeat involving her sons. "I'd often go to a match and think I can enjoy this one, one way or another, but . . ." Usually a skin-of-their-teeth affair? "Yes."
O'Malley-Dunlop's Leinster Senior Cup "début" was a game she will never forget. Drained again, as she recalls it. "It was my first experience of it all, with John Paul. They were playing in Donnybrook. He scored a try in the first minute; he was a very fast winger. But he was also the kicker. So he had to take on the conversion. And the whole place fell silent. My God, the silence. I could hardly breathe. I don't think I've ever recovered," she laughs.
On the whole, then, more highs than lows, but anyone who tuned in eight days ago and witnessed the scenes on the pitch after the Leinster Senior Cup quarter-final between Terenure and St Gerard's, from Bray, will have had some insight into the post-match task facing a parent of a losing captain.
Stuart, whose team had just lost by a point, lay on the pitch, his head in his hands, inconsolable and distraught. It's at times like this that comforting words, such as "you did your best", just aren't enough, especially to the young fella who feels his world has just collapsed. "He's fine. It just shows you, these things are not easily won," says O'Malley-Dunlop. "And you have to be as courageous in defeat as you are in victory. It's hard, very hard, but that's all part of it. Pleasure and pain: you can't have one without the other, and you certainly can't appreciate the pleasure if you haven't experienced the pain. They learn from it, and it will stand to them for the rest of their life."
And that is how she views her sons' involvement in schools sport. Yes, she admits, schools rugby has had some bad press over the past year or two, but, she says, she can only speak of her personal experience, which has been largely positive. "Of course there are negatives, but you can't dwell on them, because there are so many positives, too. I remember standing beside a Clongowes mother and her young daughter at a match, and the daughter said: 'Look at Terenure, they're like a jigsaw puzzle.' She meant all the pieces slotted in: they were playing as a team, pulling together. It was a lovely recognition by this child of the spirit and teamwork and camaraderie. Out of the mouths of babes. It was a wonderful description.
"And there is a great camaraderie. And so many of the traditions teach them how to be gentlemen. Stuart had to go into the Gerard's dressing room and congratulate them on their victory, and their captain came into the Terenure dressing room. There's a huge value to all of this, almost a rite of passage. Not to mention all the fun and pleasure you get out of it.
"Mind you, there have been moments when you're dying with fright, like the time Donal had to have his ear stitched back on. Those experiences are not, to say the least, pleasant. And there are washing machines continuously on the go, and having a garden transformed in to a mudbath, a mini-Donnybrook, but it's been worth it. It's been a great honour having the four boys on the senior team."
These days Donal, who picked up an injury while playing rugby, spends much of his sporting time playing golf, but Alex, who made the Irish under-21 squad, remains very much in the game.
O'Malley-Dunlop, though, a psychoanalytic psychotherapist by profession (and, with her husband, Sandy, a former Irish-youths champion golfer, one of the forces behind the Bard Summer School, on Clare Island), says from here on in her role in Leinster schools rugby will more than likely be reduced to that of a grandparent. Selection permitting. She's done her time. "Yes, highs and lows, but it was a tremendous pleasure. And there was a lot more pleasure than pain."