GO AUSTRALIA: Australia the experience is better than Australia the film. It's impossible to take your eyes off nature when you stay at one of the country's ranches, writes Michael Kelly
Go there
Singapore Airlines (www. singaporeair.com) flies from London Heathrow to Brisbane via Singapore.
Aer Lingus (www.aerlingus. com) flies from Dublin to London Heathrow.
Go walkabout: some of Australia's other outback experiences
Home Valley
Western Australia
Baz Luhrmann's inspiration for his film Australia, Home Valley (Kununurra, 00-61-8-91614322, www.homevalley.com.au) is a working cattle station that spans about 285,000 hectares - a little bigger than Luxembourg - at the base of the Cockburn Range. Accommodation ranges from luxury outback lodges to safari-style ecotents. Muster cattle, ride horses, canoe, fish for barramundi or go on guided walks. From 190 to 420 Australian dollars (€95 to €210) per room per night, including breakfast.
Longitude 131
Northern Territory
This luxury tented camp (Yulara Drive, Ayers Rock, 00-61-2-82968010, www.longitude131.com.au) on the border of Uluru-Kata Tjuta National Park features glass-fronted "tents" (above) with an uninterrupted view of Uluru (formerly known as Ayers Rock). Each of the 15 rooms is named after an Australian pioneer and decked out in five-star colonial style. Tents start at 1,980 Australian dollars (€990) for two nights, with full board, activities, park entrance fees and transfers.
Angorichina Station
South Australia
This 65,000 hectare sheep station (Blinman, 00-61-8- 83544405, www.angorichina station.com), 500km north of Adelaide, nestles deep in South Australia's Flinders Ranges. Ian and Di Fargher offer guests country hospitality and genuine outback experiences. The highlight is a not-for-the-faint- hearted flight to the local pub in Ian's Cessna. Full-board, with activities, costs 675 Australian dollars (€337.50) per person per night sharing.
Bullo River Station
Northern Territory
Bullo River Station (Katherine, 00-61-8-91687375, www.bulloriver.com) is the setting for Australian author Sarah Henderson's best-selling books. After the death of her husband, Henderson was left to run the 200,000-hectare station, with a debt of 750,000 Australian dollars (€375,000). She turned it into a profitable station and tourist amenity, now run by her daughter Marlee. Activities include cruises along Bullo River Gorge, fishing, aboriginal rock-art tours, bird watching, cattle mustering and horse riding. From 750 Australian dollars (€375) per person per night sharing, including meals, beverages and most activities. www.bulloriver.com
El Questro
Western Australia
A working cattle station, with 5,000 head, El Questro (Gibb River Road, 00-61-8-91691777, www.elquestrohomestead.com.au) is set on a mind-blowing million acres (400,000 hectares). It is also a five-star luxury retreat from where guests can hike through gorges, swim beneath waterfalls, see Aboriginal rock art, go fishing and experience life on a working station. Accommodation (below) ranges from camping (15 Australian dollars; €7.50) to the luxury homestead (1,890 Australian dollars/€945pps for two nights, including meals, park permit and a selection of tours and activities).
Burrawang West
New South Wales
The 4,000-hectare Burrawang West Station (Mulguthrie Road, Ootha, 00-61-2-68975277, www.burrawangwest.com.au) is a five-hour drive or short flight from Sydney, within the traditional lands of the Calara River people of the Wiradjuri Nation. The owners, who have developed a strong relationship with the Aboriginal population, offer corroboree dance ceremonies, Aboriginal art workshops and didgeridoo lessons as optional extras. Stays costs 880 Australian dollars (€440) per person per night, including meals, beverages, some activities and local airport transfers.
'HOW DID YOU enjoy your time in Brisbane?" our waitress asks, making small talk as she serves our wine.
We moved from the city this morning to stay at Hidden Vale, a working cattle station and retreat deep in the Queensland bush. We tell her we enjoyed Brisbane but are happy to have finally arrived in the outback. "Yeah, I know what you mean," she says. "The city is fine, but this is the real heart of Australia."
The real heart of Australia is something we've been hearing a lot about in the run-up to the release, on St Stephen's Day, of Baz Luhrmann's €100 million epic movie Australia. Starring Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman, the film is set in Australia's Northern Territory as the second World War looms. Kidman plays an English aristocrat who inherits a remote outback cattle station.
The stunning scenery is the real star of the film. Australian tourism bosses are hoping it will lead to an increase in visitor numbers like that experienced by New Zealand following the Lord of the Rings trilogy.
Tourism Australia even convinced Luhrmann to direct a 50-million Australian dollar (€25 million) television advertisement to run in tandem with the film.
The ad shows an Aboriginal child actor from the film, Brandon Walters, sprinkling red dust on a stressed American couple, persuading them to embark on a relationship-salvaging trip to the outback. "Sometimes we have to get lost to find ourselves," he whispers. "Sometimes we gotta go walkabout."
"Going walkabout" is not something that Irish visitors to Australia are very good at. Nearly 70,000 of us visited the country last year, spending an average of 49 nights - and 6,950 Australian dollars (€3,500) each - in the country. In an understandable attempt to cram our once-in-a-lifetime trip with as many tourism hot spots as possible, we are notoriously reluctant to venture outside the main urban centres, particularly Sydney, Brisbane, Melbourne and Perth. These beautiful cities merit a visit, but our waitress is right. They are not the real Australia.
Luhrmann found his "real" Australia, and a setting for his movie, in Home Valley Station, in Western Australia. That nation-sized cattle station is about, oh, 3,500km from Hidden Vale, but the same heart beats in both locations: the same friendliness, good humour and gentle pace of life; the same vastness, sense of history and rugged beauty.
Run by Peppers, a chain of luxury retreats, Hidden Vale is on a 5,000-hectare cattle station in southeast Queensland. It's only an hour southwest of Brisbane, but it's so remote, peaceful and unpopulated that it could well be in central Australia.
After arriving stressed and jet-lagged, it doesn't take us long to fall into the rhythm of the place and get that middle-of-nowhere vibe. I know what you're thinking: a luxury retreat doesn't sound very outback. But here's the thing. I like a bit of rough - to ride a horse, muster cattle, crack a whip or sip billy tea at a campfire - but when I get back to base I want to experience the shift from Ned Kelly to Grace Kelly. Hidden Vale manages that transition effortlessly.
The station dates back to 1841, and the exquisitely beautiful homestead is an elegant single-storey building with a distinctly Victorian feel inside. There are wide verandas where you can doze in the shade or enjoy the stunning views over Lockyer Valley. The main reception, restaurant and bar are in the homestead, but guest accommodation is in quaint restored cottages scattered around the gardens.
The day we arrive we meet the manager, David Birch, who gives us a tour of the retreat. In keeping with the homely atmosphere, Birch lives on the property with his wife and two daughters, who proudly show us an animal nursery that is home to chickens, goats and sheep. "I hope you feel at home here," he says. And you know what? We do, instantly.
This is a working cattle station, and there are reminders of this fact everywhere. The cottages are named after cattle breeds - Brahman, Belmont Red and the like.
Our cottage, named Murray Grey, manages a luxurious blend of modern conveniences - flat screen TV, broadband - and old-world charm. Old hay barns house a well-equipped gym and a games room. If you tire of luxury (we didn't) you can even spend the night in a rustic bush cabin.
Having left Ireland's dreary winter mornings behind us, it is thrilling to be woken by the sun streaming through the window. It is late spring in Australia, and southern Queensland has some of the most comfortable temperatures anywhere in the country, ranging from a balmy 15 degrees in winter to 28 degrees in summer.
On our first day we opt for a guided ride through the bush. We saddle up, and, sitting on my horse for the first time, with the heat on my back and the smell of horse and leather in my nostrils, I am feeling very Hugh Jackman. The illusion is shattered when our guide hands me a helmet. "No cowboy hats?" I ask with evident disappointment. "Not today, Wild Bill," she replies.
I've always enjoyed the John Wayne western Ride Him, Cowboy, in which the Duke trains a wild horse that had appeared to be beyond redemption. Appropriately enough, my horse, Kev, is a woefully wilful creature, and despite tentative digs in the side, and spirited cries of "giddy up", he refuses to move at the same pace as the other horses. Many times during the day he just starts grazing, and I watch helplessly as the others disappear into the bush.
When we catch up Kev starts to bite other horses and to fart a lot, behaviour that doesn't endear him (or me) to the rest of our posse. Never mind. Even though Kev is slow to move, quick to anger and loose of bowel I can't help but like him. I guess we are kindred souls:grumpy, independent-minded and irritable in the heat.
If you are going to explore the outback there is no better way to do it than on a horse. The animals settle into a gentle mosey, which gives you plenty of time to breathe in your surroundings.
We stop regularly for water breaks and, later, for a camp lunch in the shade. It's a relaxing day, the highlight of which is getting close to an incredible array of wildlife, including our first sightings of kangaroos: a mother and two joeys that stand dead still while we take photographs. They are either terrified by the sight of us or comfortable posers.
We spot water buffalo shading from the midday sun, koalas dozing high in eucalyptus trees and even some camels (which Queensland farmers use to clear lantana weed, which is poisonous to cattle). We also see pockets of the station's signature Wagyu breed of cattle. Our guide gives us an insight into the challenges of handling livestock on such a large (and uncultivated) piece of land.
That evening I walk bow- legged to the retreat's spa, where I am booked in for a massage. The masseuse happens to be our waitress from the evening before, and she continues her propensity for delivering nuggets of wisdom by talking me though a chakra system meditation while she massages. I am so blissed out afterwards that I get lost on my way back to our cottage.
Our stay at Hidden Vale continues in this vein, with blissful day after blissful day seeming to merge into one.
Rough-and-ready outback experiences are peppered with chill-out time and pampering. For every high-octane off-road drive through the bush, for example, there is a chance to spend a few hours snoozing or lying in the cool waters of a rock pool. There's also a driving range, tennis court, abseiling and archery.
Seven o'clock is GT time, with spruced-up guests repairing to the bar to compare notes on the day's exploits. Ravenous from the mountain air, we savour wonderful meals at the retreat's restaurant, including that home-grown Wagyu beef and seasonal vegetables.
Afterwards we retire with a bottle of local wine to the veranda of our cottage to chat and gaze at the night sky - how odd it feels to see the traditional constellations upside down. There is not a single house light on the horizon to spoil the isolation. It's also deafeningly quiet except for occasional rather freaky animal cries in the bush below.
Perhaps the jet lag is playing with my internal logic, but at 4.30am one morning I am back on the veranda, listening to the chaotic din of a spectacular dawn chorus in the valley. I look to my left and, about 20 metres away, in the animal nursery, the ewe and her two lambs are sitting on a raised platform looking out at the same scene. Pure magic.
Feeling very Zen, I decide at about 6.30am to head out for a bike ride. Clearly recognising that I have lost the plot, one of the staff makes me put on a helmet and some sunscreen. "Stay on the paths," he warns ominously. "This hour of the morning there are plenty of wild animals around. And if you see any slithery fellas, pedal harder." Gulp.
Note to self: sitting on a razor-sharp saddle when you've been spending time on horses is a bad idea. I take a five-kilometre trail through the bush, alternating between lung-busting uphill slogs and breakneck descents. My mind is calmly contemplating how long it will take the vultures to pick my body clean should I hit a tree and die out here alone.
I come across a billabong where horses and ponies are taking a morning drink. I stop to join them. Kev isn't there, which might explain why things are so peaceful. (I mention this only so I can use the word "billabong" in this piece.)
We go clay-pigeon shooting one afternoon with a local farmer who helps out at Hidden Vale. When he tells me that he has his own farm across the valley I ask him how big it is. "Oh, not big," he replies. "A couple of thousand acres." That's what I love about Australia: the sheer scale of the place means these Crocodile Dundee "That's not a knife; this is a knife" moments are never far away.
After a glorious outback break it's time for us to move on. Perhaps the best evidence of the restorative powers of going walkabout is this: the morning we leave Hidden Vale our lift to our next stop is nearly two hours late, but, relaxing on the veranda of the homestead, I can't say that we mind.
* Michael Kelly was a guest of Tourism Australia. For holiday ideas and information on getting there, see www.australia.com. More on Queensland from www.tourismqueensland.com.au
* Rooms at Peppers Hidden Vale (617 Mount Mort Road, Grandchester, Queensland, www.peppers.com.au) cost 239-499 Australian dollars (€120- €150) per night, excluding meals and activities. A Dinner Camp Experience, with horse ride, cattle muster, camp lunch and cattle activities - roping, whip-cracking, calf-feeding and more - costs 180 dollars (€90)