I have a memory of being with a group of boys and being dared to approach some girls nearby and ask them: have you got your period? This was supposed to produce an explosive reaction from the girls. Instead, I received blank stares. They didn’t know what I was talking about. I was about 10, and didn’t know what I was talking about either.
But our collective ignorance wasn’t the point. The point was to wind up the females: who even then were secretly a source of fascination but outwardly a target for antagonism. Girls, for reasons no one ever explained, were the enemy.
I like to think I’ve grown up a wee bit since then. I like women now.
This should be a stupidly obvious thing to say: like I enjoy breathing or, on balance, living indoors is my preferred option. Yet it needs to be said. It needs to be said by as many men as possible. Nearly every day we read about men who seem to feel the opposite.
Misogyny is not wired into our DNA – it is something to be overcome
Too often our emotions – anger, frustration, fear – propel us to search for ‘facts’ to fit how we are feeling
Seán Moncrieff: Things in Ireland have got better. So why doesn’t it feel better?
My generation didn’t talk about mental health. We could be oblivious, or in denial, about the damage done
I know women who have been sexually assaulted. You may too. My wife and three grown-up daughters have all been harassed, simply for being female in a public place. You are, no doubt, aware of some recent horrific crimes in Ireland perpetrated against women.
Another stupidly obvious point: not all men are rapists. But among a certain cohort, there is a continuum of opinion, with passive dislike of women at one end leading to monstrous acts at the other. And in many corners of the internet, that dislike is being actively encouraged: young men particularly are being encouraged to feel that they are victims, and that whatever lack they feel in their lives is the fault of women. Repeated studies have found a growing number of young men feel that feminism – the simple proposition that women and men be equal – has gone too far. Some humans should still be more equal than others.
There’s a well-known list of people and groups stoking this up. Fringe parties that feed on discontent. Incel culture. Porn. Andrew Tate. But, depressingly, they are just a tiny part of a much bigger picture. It’s not like Ireland and the world was a safe and welcoming place for women 20 or 50 years ago. Misogyny has existed for as long as humans have lived in communities and in every part of the planet. It is thousands of years old.
The current backlash against feminism is just another chapter in that ancient story: a male and empty fear that women will, eventually, take their revenge
There’s an embarrassment of theories as to why this is: men feel conflicted, as they depend upon women for procreation, but that dependence makes them feel vulnerable. Or it could stem from a dull male awareness of how women are treated. In ancient cultures, women were often forced to marry men who had kidnapped them from elsewhere. Or women were treated as property: swapped in return for land or power. Well into the 20th century, many Irish women were effectively forced into arranged marriages, where others decided what would make a good “match”.
Societal norms and religious beliefs (God is a man) justified these practices, and in many parts of the world, they still do. The current backlash against feminism is just another chapter in that ancient story: a male and empty fear that women will, eventually, take their revenge.
Women continually assert their rights. We all know what patriarchy means now. But women work with men, are friends with men, live with them, marry them, love them. Implicit in that is a belief that, despite everything, men deserve to be loved. Misogyny is not wired into our DNA. It is something to be overcome: by loving women back.