MIRIAM LORD'S WEEK:Offaly's welcome; Cowenites lose run of themselves; a Clara anthem; goodie bags for Ministers; Bertie's send-off; Sherpa Hannigan; the backbencher; Brian's breakfast
"I wondered at one stage whether the former taoiseach would outdo Luciano Pavarotti
EXCITEMENT IS building in Offaly ahead of this weekend's massive homecoming party for the Faithful County's first Taoiseach. Anything that doesn't move has been decorated with bunting as Cowenmania tightens its grip on the citizenry.
Yesterday's Offaly Independent summed up the magnitude of the event taking place in Brian Cowen's home town this evening: "Clara prepares for influx of up to 20,000 people - evening Mass deferred to facilitate crowds." Lucky Fianna Fáil. The party is holding its annual church-gate collection in Clara this weekend. They'll clean up, whether or not Mass has been postponed by an hour.
Brian's triumphant return begins around midday with an appearance in Edenderry. After that, he moves on to Tullamore where the town band will march him to a stage in O'Connor Square for music and speeches.
A huge banner has gone up in the square. "Congratulations to An Taoiseach, Brian Cowen, from all the Beautiful Intelligent Folk From Offaly." O Biff, Biff, Hooray! Yesterday, the Bridge Centre was selling Brian Cowen T-shirts for charity at €10 a pop. They feature an image of the Taoiseach, Che Guevara style, with flowing locks and a shamrock on his beret. They were flying out the door.
After the open-air gig, the action moves indoors to a civic reception in the council offices. In the meantime, Clara will be waiting to kick off the party to end all. The AA have issued a traffic alert.
There's an interesting custody battle taking place between Clara and Tullamore at the moment. Taoiseach Cowen lives in Tullamore, but he was born in Clara. Both are claiming him as their own. Tullamore Chamber of Commerce has urged local businesses to take advantage of the publicity expected "due to the election of our very own Taoiseach" by showcasing the town in its best light.
Clara Musical Society has put up posters congratulating Mr Cowen: "A Class Act." Offaly Fianna Fáil have taken delivery of a consignment of flags and bunting. A flag costs €20, price to include having it erected and taken down. "Please show your support for our incoming Taoiseach!" says the FF leaflet announcing the arrangements.
They need have no worries in that regard. It's going to be some day.
Denis O'Brien to buy French embassy?
Rumours were rife last night that businessman Denis O'Brien is the frontrunner to buy the French embassy on Ailesbury Road. The €50 million mansion came on the market in January along with the French embassy offices across the road.
The French have owned the imposing white brick mansion since the 1940s. It stands on over an acre of ground and has over 11,000 square feet of living space. In fact, it is so large that the resident ambassador, Yvon Roe d'Albert, complained that when he wanted to find his wife, he had to call her on his mobile.
A number of offers were received in the tender process in which the French government sought to exchange both the embassy residence and the offices with alternative properties and cash. This has slowed down the decision process for the French as they have had to sift through a number of offers involving both property and cash.
O'Brien is well placed on both counts and would be able to offer the French a number of alternative properties, including his own residence on Shrewsbury Road which he purchased in 2006 but failed to get planning permission to extend. He also has an extensive property portfolio in Ballsbridge, including houses on Raglan Road and Wellington Road. The selling agents, Lisney, remained tight-lipped.
It is thought that there has been at least three bidders. Financier Derek Quinlan is thought to have made an offer in cash while property developer Johnny Ronan is also thought to have made a bid.
Football theme to fore
The Cowenites lost the run of themselves entirely in Buswells on Wednesday while watching the Six One News. As Brian Dobson briefly shifted the focus from Clara to North Carolina and from Cowen to Obama, a roar of "Up Moneygall!" went up from one elated Birr man. (Obama has roots in the Offaly village.) Whereupon members of the Ferbane Cuman whooped "Offaly for the Double!"
A football theme was very much in evidence throughout the "Cowenation" of Taoiseach Biffo. On Thursday in Leinster House, when news came through that Bertie Ahern won his High Court action against the Mahon Tribunal, a straggler from the celebrations chortled: "Too late! We have the cup now and he's not getting it back!"
Clara faithful's anthem
As Cowen left Leinster House en route to the Áras, he was mobbed by supporters singing The Offaly Rover. That night in the Alexander Hotel, the Clara faithful were determined to greet his arrival with a local anthem rather than a song written by a Kilcormac man. As they waited, the men and woman practised The Little Town of Clara, written by the late Joe Geoghegan. Some had even brought song sheets. Here's a verse: "Its matchless gems of beauty are rarely to be seen/The ponds are pure as crystal and the hills are ever green/The old historic Abbey that stands in famed Kilbride/Near that little town of Clara where the Brosna waters glide."
It was not entirely a parochial occasion. In between songs from an Elvis impersonator there was also time for a vocal tribute to the new Tánaiste, with a spirited rendition of Mary from Dunloe.
Goodie bags for Cabinet
Ministerial seals of office are not like All-Ireland medals: the winners don't get to take them home.They reside permanently in Áras an Uachtaráin, and are only used for presentation purposes.
Last Wednesday was the third time President Mary McAleese presided over this ceremony, and on this occasion, she made sure her important guests didn't leave the Áras with one arm as long as the other.
In keeping with the party atmosphere created by a coachload of giddy Cabinet Ministers arriving on her doorstop, the President laid on little goodie bags for everyone.
As they were leaving, and after they had signed the visitors' book, a member of her staff handed each of them a glossy bag with the presidential harp on it. The Ministers were somewhat taken aback to discover that, having relinquished them of their seals, Mary had compensated them with chocolate and golf balls. Both were exquisitely packaged; four chocolates made by Chez Emily in North Co Dublin, and four balls with the President's seal and signature on them.
One assumes the choccies were for the female members of the Government, none of whom play golf. There are still some so-called prestigious golf clubs where the new Tánaiste and her fellow ministerial Marys, Harney and Hanafin, would be denied membership on grounds of their gender. Presidential balls or not.
By the way, on the subject of the seals, Ministers receive a replica from the Taoiseach's office.Full marks to Mrs McAleese for her generosity. A Fianna Fáil Minister in particular should never have to leave a function empty handed.
Bertie's expensive send-off
Not everyone in Leinster House was impressed by Bertie Ahern's stage-managed exit, which seemed to go forever. The former taoiseach gave himself a terrific send-off, much of it at the taxpayers' expense.
In the Seanad on Wednesday, Labour's Alex White was clearly fed up with it all.
"There have been many congratulations and we now have had a month of praise and thanksgiving. Much of it has been deserved, some of it less so, and some of it has been bordering on the nauseating," he declared.
"I wondered at one stage over the last few weeks whether the former taoiseach would outdo Luciano Pavarotti, who has the world record of 165 curtain calls in a single performance . . . The former taoiseach went close."
A blessing from Fine Gael
Meanwhile Sen White's Labour colleague, Dominic Hannigan, scaled new heights as he passed on his best wishes to Mr Cowen in the most roundabout fashion.
"I congratulate Sean McSharry, the 10-year-old who has become the youngest European to conquer Mount Kilimanjaro. I am aware of the difficulties he faced because I reached the summit in January. I nearly killed myself in the process," began Dominic, as FG's Jerry Buttimer exclaimed it was a blessing for everyone he came to no harm.
Sherpa Hannigan pressed on. "Sean McSharry's feat bodes well for the incoming Taoiseach.
The day before the coronation of Queen Elizabeth II in 1952, Edmund Hillary made the first conquest of Mount Everest." "He didn't do it alone" interrupted Mary White of the Greens.
"Why, were you there with him?" riposted FG's Liam Twomey, as everyone else wondered where Sherpa Hannigan was actually heading.
"Queen Elizabeth has enjoyed a long and happy reign. I wonder whether the incoming Taoiseach will enjoy the same. We hope his reign will be good for the people of Ireland but I'm sure he'll forgive me when I express the hope that it isn't as long as the Queen's."
Just not cricket
At times of sadness and upheaval, broken-hearted souls head for the comforting embrace of the people who love them. And so, just hours after he returned to the back benches on Wednesday, Bertie Ahern's first engagement as a former taoiseach was to attend, as guest of honour, the annual dinner of the Sunday Independent Cricket Society.
He was greeted by editor Aengus Fanning and Charles Lysaght, president of the society.
The former taoiseach was given a warm welcome at the function in The National Yacht Club, although he seemed slightly surprised to find himself in the company of Fine Gael Senator Eugene Regan, who led his party's charge against his Mahon tribunal evidence. Senator Regan is a neighbour of the colourful Sindo editor, and he also attended the event last year when he was Cathaoirleach of Dun Laoghaire-Rathdown County Council.
"The busy Senator," said Bertie, as the pair shook hands.
Michael Fingleton, chief executive of the Irish Nationwide Building Society and sponsor of the Sunday Independent Cricket Society's awards, paid tribute to Ahern's work as taoiseach and, to great applause, predicted he would continue to hit his critics for six.
Backbencher Bertie couldn't stay for dinner, as he had to rush back to the Dáil for a vote. In future, he will not be required to attend Dáil sittings, because as a former taoiseach he gets an automatic voting pair.
From here on in, he will be a rare sight in the chamber.
Something different
Patrons of the Dáil restaurant early yesterday morning were cheered to see Taoiseach Cowen amble in for his breakfast as usual, minding his own business as he perused the rashers and sausages and cornflakes.
Then he took his tray and pushed in at the nearest available table with colleagues and Dáil staff. That hasn't been seen in over a decade.