After a past battle with cyber-pranksters who set up www.bertieahern.comas a porn site, the subtext of Bertie's new website is that he bestrode, and saved, the world
THE FIRST THING THAT greets visitors to Bertie Ahern's new website ( www.bertieahernoffice.org) is his photo. He stands tall, framed by stone pillars, gazing into the middle distance. It wants to imply gravitas, strength, that this is a man of history and for the future. Unfortunately, he has the slight appearance of a man who's not quite sure where he's going next; as if he's just wandered out of the building to find his taxi hasn't turned up.
Bertie's site is admirably gimmick-free. There are no flashy graphics, no outbreaks of music, no games. There is no blog. This is a smart refusal to be faddish for the sake of it, even if it is disappointing for the rest of us, who would like his views on what he had for breakfast, how Brian Cowen is doing and whether Ronaldo should stay at Man United.
Nor is there a video diary, as popularised by Conservative leader David Cameron, who showed himself working in shops, visiting schools, that kind of thing. Bertie could have had great fun with the idea: Bertie pays for his own cups of tea; Bertie encounters his first traffic jam; Bertie tries to open a bank account.
The website is being used to launch him on the after-dinner speakers' circuit, so features a biography. He actually mentions his primary school on his mini-CV, as if the Bilderberg Group, when deciding on its keynote speaker, will say, "Nelson Mandela is a global icon of peace and wisdom, but Bertie Ahern went to St Patrick's National School, Drumcondra. There's no contest." Alongside a video on the peace process, three speeches are present: one defending human rights workers (subtext: Bertie cares about the world), the text he delivered to the Houses of Congress (Bertie bestrode the world) and his Northern Ireland-themed address to Westminster (Bertie saved the world). The irony, of course, is that none of these will actually have been written by him. Until recently he benefited from a team of speech writers, but from now on Bertie will have to steal his jokes from the internet - just like every best man and father of the groom.
The use of .org adds an authoritative veneer. He could have used BertieAhern.net - which is still available - but the .org domain name tends to be used by political parties and non-governmental organisations. It's also a chance to move away from the distasteful saga that was www.bertieahern.com, originally snapped up by American cybersquatters, who set it up as a porn site in 2000. After much hyperventilating by his office, and sniggering by the public, it was wrested back into the proper hands, and thereafter offered a link to the Department of the Taoiseach. That link is no longer active. Instead, Google returns archived accounts of Bertie's battle with the porn pranksters. Perhaps he could turn this into a light opening anecdote.
Bertie's new website is rather static compared to those of his old pals Bill Clinton and Tony Blair. The former US president's official site, ClintonFoundation.org, is vibrant with colour, links and latest news. It directs visitors to his various climate, global and Aids initiatives, and immediately emphasises that Clinton is still a very, very busy man. It also offers visitors a chance to donate to the Foundation, by direct debit, phone, mail or "other". The latter category does not mention a whip-round. Clearly, being a uniquely Irish phenomenon, Bertie may wish to add an explanation on his website, so that those booking him for after-dinner speaking are aware of this long-standing way of showing appreciation for the efforts of the former taoiseach.
The Office of Tony Blair ( www.tonyblairoffice.org) also benefits from the former British leader's status as a continuing global player. Visitors can learn all about his role as Middle East envoy, his efforts on climate change, and videos in which he wishes young tennis players all the best.
Unfortunately, the site comes in shades of mustard and yellow, with its unintended implication of decay.
Bertie's site comes in sober shades of grey. He once, very publicly, tried yellow, but everyone agreed it didn't suit him.
Someday, Bertie may well have his own latest news page, a selection of videos, freshly-written speeches and a regular newsletter. But for the moment, online at least, he remains a little stuck, staring away somewhere and pondering his future. Or maybe he's just trying to remember where he put the car keys.
