Dáil Sketch: Misery knew no bounds in Leinster House yesterday. Despair was dispensed in equal measure among the old, the young and the in-betweens.
Such was the mood of gloom, the ceann comhairle might have considered ending Leaders' Questions on a happy note with a few choruses of Nearer My God to Thee.
Matters medical were to the fore. The Fine Gael and Labour leaders entered the chamber immediately after launching a joint document proposing the establishment of a patient safety authority. It's called Patients First. As opposed to Patience First, which is the vital prerequisite for any leader charged with the task of going into the Dáil to get answers from Bertie Ahern.
Enda Kenny wanted the Taoiseach to say who he thought was responsible for what happened at Leas Cross nursing home. "Is there anybody willing to accept a modicum of responsibility?" he asked. "On your watch, you failed the elderly, and you are still failing them."
Bertie read his reply from a script, never once lifting his head from it.
Enda was unimpressed. Was this an example of the process being more important than the patient? Did the four health ministers who were in office while the abuse was taking place at the nursing home know anything about it?
The Taoiseach said he wasn't going to get into the blame game. However, he didn't believe that any senior people in the health board were responsible. Ministers, and accountability, weren't mentioned.
Pat Rabbitte lightened the mood by raising the subject of child poverty.
Noting that the Government intends to hold a referendum on the rights of children, he wondered if a recent report - that Ireland has one of the worst child poverty rates in Europe - had crossed the Taoiseach's radar.
This was a tailor-made question for Bertie, who was able to spout statistics to his heart's content. He outlined all the measures taken by his Government to address the issue.
"Attacking the statistics instead of attacking the poverty," spat Pat.
With the house already in the depths of despair over the poor children and neglected old folk, Sinn Féin's Caoimhghín Ó Caoláin rose to his feet. He wanted to talk about MRSA, the so-called hospital superbug.
He told the horrific story of a woman who went to hospital recently to have a kidney stone removed, but while recovering, she contracted MRSA and had to have her legs amputated.
The Taoiseach went into great detail on hospital hygiene and surgical gowns, before eventually coming to the conclusion that, "from the Government point of view . . . Minister Harney has tackled this issue head on."
A boast too far for James Breen, the independent deputy for Clare, who erupted spectacularly. "I'm a victim of MRSA. She's done nothing. You're doing nothing. You only stood up there and waffled!" He banged the desk in front of him. "I'm a victim of MRSA. I nearly lost my life!"
Who'd have thought it, but it took Minister Éamon Ó Cuív to lift the air of depression. He wasn't there himself, but was mentioned in dispatches by the Taoiseach in reply to a question about the Dingle/Daingean Uí Chúis placename argument.
Mr Ó Cuív is meeting Kerry County Council about it on November 17th, said Bertie. "That'll be worth writing home about," whooped Fine Gael's Bernard Durkan. "They'll need earplugs," chimed in his colleague, Jim O'Keefe.
"They'll be sorry," chuckled Pat Rabbitte. "They'll need a pint after that meeting."
And the Taoiseach shot back to universal mirth: "I'd say the bars will be long closed by then." What was he, with all-party agreement, insinuating? That Mr Ó Cuív bores for Ireland?
