God knows we're used to the sight of Mayo teams falling apart in public. Even so, your heart bled for their supporters yesterday as yet another big day out ended in tears and recrimination - this time between the county's star Fine Gaelers, Enda Kenny and Michael Ring. When will the suffering end, asks Frank McNally?
In a way, it was an achievement by Mr Kenny to create a story out of his first reshuffle. Twenty cards short of a full deck - not including jokers - he could hardly do better than Bertie Ahern, who had 89 TDs and still produced a non-event. The old metaphor about "deck-chairs on the Titanic" was being dusted off for another outing.
Then Capt Enda gave the phrase a whole new meaning when, rearranging the seats a little too vigorously, he knocked his First Mate Ring straight into the marine. In fact, that was where he was trying to put him, but only as spokesman. Instead, there was a cry of "man overboard!", followed by a big splash (in the media), as Ring reacted furiously to what he saw as a shafting. When the press got to him, he was still spitting water and indignation.
It was no use that Fine Gael had a doctor on board. The doctor was part of the problem as far as Ring was concerned. His fellow Mayo man had seen fit to elevate the Wexford GP - barely a wet week, or any kind of a week, in the party - to the dizzy heights of health spokesman, while Ring's 25 years of service had earned demotion. "I'm gutted," he said, ominously promising to consult friends and family on his next move.
One of Enda Kenny's less dramatic moves was to create a spokesmanship for "Emigrant Affairs". Paul Connaughton's first challenge in the job could be to bring Mr Ring back from internal exile. His second may be to repatriate Michael Noonan, who returned to the front bench "without portfolio" but - perhaps anticipating his new roving role - was in the US for the occasion.
Until the internecine Mayo feud, most attention focused on Dr Twomey. Enda Kenny explained the rapid promotion by saying that the Wexford man had the specialist health knowledge Fine Gael hitherto lacked. And for a party that has been on life support since June 2002, the decision to call a doctor seemed a sensible one.
In his maiden interviews as health spokesman, Twomey performed well. But his performance was quickly overshadowed by the media circus (a one-Ring circus) developing elsewhere.
At a time when his county is recovering from the trauma of the All-Ireland, Michael Ring inevitably saw his own crisis in terms of Gaelic football. Accused of not being "a team player", he angrily countered: "I was carrying the team for a long time!"
By way of pressing his credentials, he then cited his membership of the 1971 All-Ireland Vocational Schools Championship winning side - a rare happy day for Mayo supporters. There was no such joy yesterday. "I'm hurt," Mr Ring said on their behalf as, somewhere in the background, the Government demanded three cheers for the gallant losers.