Drapier: Charlie McCreevy, apart from being a serious politician, has always been good for a laugh, long before Bull Island created his alter ego. However, Charlie's solemn undertaking that he will not permit ministers to go on pre-election splurges is the biggest laugh so far. But then perhaps we are not intended to take seriously the cascade of ministerial announcements and re-announcements already under way.
After all, Fianna Fáil campaigned in 1987 on the basis that "health cuts hurt the old, the sick and the handicapped". Once elected, Fianna Fáil proceeded to make the most savage cuts, from which the health services have yet to recover. So perhaps the indications that ministers will behave like drunken sailors between now and polling day ought to be taken with a large helping of salt.
Yet in the space of a couple of days, Mary O'Rourke has announced a €7 billion-plus metro system for Dublin, Micheál Martin has promised 700 hospital beds, and Willie O'Dea is pleading for €14 million for school buses.
How is it that the school buses were not improved when the Government surpluses were so large that such an amount of money would scarcely have been noticed? Why did we have to wait until the dying days of the Government to hear promises of additional hospital beds?
And if Mary O'Rourke couldn't build a few kilometres of Luas above ground in five years, why should anyone believe that there is any prospect of her delivering a spanking new metro system?
How many years has it taken to begin the port tunnel, only to learn of claims now that it will take only dwarf trucks?
Drapier hears other claims that after all the delay and all the consultants there is a mismatch of Luas platforms with connecting buses. If it is true that we can't get such a relatively simple matter right, how can we take seriously promises from the same team to bring us a metro system?
One thing Mary O'Rourke admits is that she couldn't dispose of the Dermot O'Leary affair because it was at the behest of the Taoiseach that Mr O'Leary was reappointed to the board of Aer Rianta in 1997.
Drapier is still trying to figure out what this means and why the doughty Minister felt it necessary to let it be known that the reappointment of O'Leary was the Taoiseach's idea. Further briefings initially suggested that she would have to discuss the O'Leary business with the Taoiseach, Tánaiste and Minister for Finance.
Reading such dispatches only added to the mystery, especially since it was known that the Tánaiste was still on honeymoon and Charlie McCreevy let it be known that he was not amused at being implicated. Why does Mr O'Leary's case merit such high-powered attention? After all the build-up, a limp letter of apology from Mr O'Leary was enough for the Taoiseach to consider the matter closed. Somehow Drapier is not convinced that this is the last we will hear about the connections between the main players in the O'Leary affair.
Meanwhile, Bertie Ahern contrives to fly above it all and finally takes the biscuit with his appearance to be photographed with the latest boy/girl band created by the TV programme Popstars. Was it for this the wild geese spread the grey wing upon every tide?
Literally flying above it all and taking a leaf out of Bertie's book was Mary Harney, in a dash across the country to open an off-licence for a friend described as a Dublin-based barrister.
Apparently the purpose of the jaunt was not, according to the Tánaiste's minders, to do an old friend a favour but rather to confer on the people of Manorhamilton a feeling of being cherished equally and to enhance their self-worth.
The last thing that this amusing little faux pas requires now is dollops of unctuousness being ladled on by the lady's defenders. If her predecessor, Dick Spring, had flown to Manorhamilton to do a favour for a barrister friend in a fisheries patrol aircraft, Mary Harney's opposition rhetoric would have known no bounds. As Fianna Fáil backbenchers split their sides laughing, the Tánaiste is entitled to wonder how Bertie gets away with this and no questions are asked.
One man not in politics to provide us with laughs is the new President of the European Parliament, Pat Cox. For a man long accustomed to taking himself very seriously, this is quite an extraordinary achievement by an Independent MEP from a small member-state. Drapier believes that Cox will be as good as his word in seeking to make the EU institutions more tangible for its citizens.
Meanwhile the coxless four - the PDs - anxiously await white smoke as former farmers' leader Tom Parlon and Attorney General Michael McDowell finally decide if the PDs are worthy of their undoubted talents. If Mary Harney is to keep wind under her wings, she very badly needs both men to say yes.
Meanwhile, the author of zero tolerance Irish-style, John O'Donoghue, never batted an eyelid in publishing 13-month-old crime statistics. As Brendan Howlin pointed out the Minister is the only one surprised by the alarming upsurge in violent crime.
Finally, Drapier wishes to convey all of our sympathies to the families of two of the old-style gentlemen of Fianna Fáil, former colleagues Colm Hilliard and Jim Tunney. May they rest in peace.