Only two weeks to go in the Northern Ireland Assembly election, and the frenzy of indifference is deafening, writes Miriam Lordin Lisburn.
Understandable, perhaps, in the South, where the main preoccupation lies with a general election which still has about three months of life left in it. But so far in the North, the campaign for the 108 Stormont seats on offer has yet to ignite.
This might explain why a daft photo opportunity yesterday involving Dr Ian Paisley and a couple of pancakes attracted four camera crews, reporters from as far afield as France and Germany and the sort of attention normally reserved for more meaningful political events.
Neither the Doc nor his DUP team were complaining. They were chuffed with the publicity generated by their leader's morning walkabout in Lisburn and the afternoon's bout of crepe flipping in Ballymena.
The fun began in MP Jeffrey Donaldson's Lagan Valley constituency - once an Ulster Unionist stronghold, but now DUP territory following a stream of defections led by Donaldson and the demolition of David Trimble and UUP in the last election.
It was market day in the town, and the four-strong team of Lagan Valley candidates were joined by Big Ian and Peter Robinson for an hour-long walkabout in the main shopping area. Before they set off from party headquarters, there was some rather baffling banter between Jeffrey and Peter about the merits of cross-dressing. Not the sort of talk, one would imagine, that the Rev Dr Paisley would be anxious to encourage.
The afternoon's Belfast Telegraph shed light on the mystery, reporting that the DUP had to switch location for a press conference last week when it was discovered that a cross-dressers' conference was taking place in the same venue.
Dr Paisley arrived from a visit to a nearby factory, and the office ladies appeared with tea in china cups. Then the candidates and their visiting heavyweights set off towards the market square.
The dapper Doc - that's what the younger party workers call him - moved off at a stately pace, black brogues gleaming, smart grey overcoat over an immaculate grey suit. After a few minutes, a man raced down the road from the office bearing his black felt fedora. The ensemble, and the image, was complete.
There is a DUP uniform. The younger the man, the wider the pinstripe on the conservative navy suit. It's the Savile Row meets Sandy Row look. Hair is neat, gelled and spiked. Ald Edwin Poots and Cllr Paul Givan were thus attired.
Cllr Jonathan Craig, as befits the more mature DUP man, wore Paisley grey. Wee Jeffrey, the big local vote winner, could afford to be a little more casual.
It was a sedate walkabout, in deference to Dr Paisley's advancing years. He's a huge hit with the female pensioners. "Get up early and get your vote out, and take your porridge before you go!" he instructs them.
Now in his early 80s, Big Ian still cuts an impressive figure. Two elderly ladies twittered with embarrassment when he approached. "I don't want me photograph took," giggled one.
"Oh, you better be taken with a good-looking man," boomed Dr Paisley, grabbing her hand.
The ladies revelled in their mortification. "I couldn't get me glove off in time!" said one.
All was going to plan when they arrived at the market square. Suddenly, a security man began speaking urgently into his walkie-talkie. A raised voice could be heard in the distance, and a tall, silver-haired man materialised from behind the fish stalls. "Hello, Ian Paisley. Ian. Stop running away from me!" It was the UKUP's Robert McCartney, smiling broadly, shouting loudly and sniping from the sidelines.
Peter Robinson moved in beside his leader and placed a hand on his arm. "Ian, bear left," he barked, and the reverend doctor changed course smoothly, staring straight ahead.
The party workers shouted back. "You're a vote splitter!" "Never, Never, Never. Yes, Yes, Yes." taunted Bob, who is standing in six constituencies.
"Maverick! Maverick!" retorted the DUP boys.
It was all over in a flash. Bob McCartney, having made his point and snaffled some publicity, withdrew.
This was the DUP in a new electoral situation, where the buzz word is "progress", where they aren't protesting or noisily foisting their indignation on the mainstream. They are the mainstream now. Their campaign is more measured, and, the reporters sadly sigh, as boring as the rest.
After the polls close on March 7th, it is expected the DUP will consolidate its position as the voice of unionism. These days, an avuncular Ian is reduced to cheery photo opportunities with old ladies and funny props.
Which is where the Galgorm Manor Hotel in Ballymena comes in. In the afternoon, he availed of their new kitchen to flip pancakes. "Why is he doing this?" asked a nonplussed German journalist. Nobody really knew, apart from the fact it was Shrove Tuesday, and the hotel is in Dr Paisley's North Antrim constituency.
With his bemused media pack in tow, Big Ian stood in front of the stove and got a quick lesson in pancake flipping. He looked a little lost. Not for the first time in his career, he flipped. This time, though, it was harmless. "High in the air," pleaded the photographers.
Dr Paisley said little of substance. He has no intention of rattling any more pans until the votes are in.