In the 1970s we had soul food. In the noughts we have soul drinks. It used to be that a person sinned, felt guilty, went to confession and then to the pub. Your pint was your only man - but that's not true anymore.
Today, confession has been replaced by the bizarre system by which consumers eat and drink according to a system of credits and debits. Perceived "good works", such as eating vegetables, are used to balance out perceived "sins", such as chocolate. When we drink too much alcohol, our inner priest tells us to take vitamin pills and exercise as penance.
The latest food type to enter this system of credits and debits are functional drinks, which promise to do more than slack thirst. We're already familiar with that buzz-inducing alcohol replacement, Red Bull - "a utility drink to be taken against mental or physical weariness or exhaustion". Now the company that markets it in the Republic has come up with something a tad more inspiring.
Suspend your disbelief for a moment and consider that there is a drink called Kombucha that "cleanses and refreshes your body, your soul". The PR bumph claims that "for 2,000 years, Kombucha has been seen and used by its devotees as a miracle of nature. Its first recorded use was during the Qin dynasty (221 BC)". And now here it is in Superquinn and Tesco for us ordinary, 21st-century folk - at £2.99 for a litre bottle - where it waits to be purchased by "the holistic health-conscious, the stressed-out executive, or the beauty-conscious woman" who "want to protect their bodies and souls from the negative effects of our allegedly civilised way of life". I don't know where that leaves the beauty-conscious man.
Kombucha is made from a blend of herbal teas and white sugar, using a culture of lactobacilli and yeast. It tastes like peach cider mixed with rhubarb beer. I think that it's exquisite and so do my kids, but a tastetest round The Irish Times features department brought mixed results. To put it bluntly, some people thought it tasted disgusting. But the Austrians are so fond of it that it has replaced orange juice as their most popular morning drink. Then again, the Germanic types were always gluttons for punishment.
But the taste is not the point. The distributors of Kombucha claims this concoction "has an enzyme content which helps in the splitting of nutrients and thus assists the digestive process". They claim "it contains valuable lactobacilli which have a beneficial effect on the intestinal flora, strengthening the body's natural defences". And, "it includes yeasts which promote a clear skin and a healthy complexion".
Unfortunately, medical trials to prove these claims have yet to be conducted. The same can be said for most of the other trendy beverages, such as Bawls Guarana, a highly caffeinated beverage whose marketing slogan in the US is "Who's Got Bawls?" The drink "derives its sweet yet spicy flavor from the legendary Guarana berry of the Amazonian Rainforest. Guarana, which contains a naturally occurring form of caffeine, has been used for centuries by the indians of the Amazon, providing them with an energy boost," claims the manufacturer. What it's really all about is looking manly and getting hyper while holding a glass of something that isn't beer.
Ireland and Russia are among the few countries on this side of the world where beer sales and consumption are predicted to increase over the next five years, according to Retail Intelligence. By the year 2010 the majority of Northern European markets are expected to have declined by 14 to 18 per cent. Beer consumption in Germany, the largest single market, is predicted to fall by an even greater 20 per cent with the closure of 300 breweries. That leaves room for wine, but also for non-alcoholic, health-inducing drinks.
NO one can argue that water isn't good for you, which is why Aqua Vie Hydrators, a "new age"-flavoured mineral water, has taken the US by storm. A "hydrator" is nothing more than flavoured, still water "designed to increase one's personal consumption of water, naturally". Aqua Vie also has nutritionally fortified waters known as the E Line, with names such as Elixir, Empower, and Ecstasy. If, after drinking those, you can come down to earth long enough to worry about your nutritional status, you may want to try Aquaceuticals, which are designed as drinkable, low-calorie nutrition sources which contain fibre, beta carotene type substances, calcium derivatives and other supplements.
In Japan, the market for nutritional drinks began in 1995 and includes jelly-type drinks in soft pouch packs that supply a nutritionally balanced blend of protein, fat and carbohydrate, plus vitamins and minerals. Many also contain functional ingredients such as calcium, oligosaccharides, collagen, fibre, polyphenols and beef peptides. In Japan, they are sold as the "10 second breakfast" or "a drink for those busy times when a quick meal is needed". When they were launched in the US in the form of Calorie Mate from Otsuka Pharmaceutical, they were such a big hit that retail sales soon reached $390 million.
The trendiest kitchen accessory at the moment is a juicer, since DIY juice has all its vitamins, minerals, enzymes, amino acids and chlorophyll intact. Pear and prune juices provide potassium, iron and fibre and cure constipation and lethargy, according to Nature's Way. For those too busy to make their own juices, Nature's Way is offering Schoenenberger juices, which have mysterious powers recognised even longer than Kombucha.
Juice first became trendy in 3700 BC, when the Chinese Emperor Shin Nong reputedly said "your body's power lies in the extract of plants", according to Schoenenberger. Its range of juices includes acerola, artichoke, asparagus, black radish, celery, dandelion, echinacea, hawthorn, horsetail, nettle and yarrow. If you ask me, they're the 21st-century equivalent of trying to atone for your sins by wearing a hair shirt.