`Apples, swap chairs! Oranges, jump in the air! And bananas, run on the spot!" A bit of fun for the kids at playschool? No, it's mum and dad at the parenting course. Of course. Strange as it may seem, more and more parents are looking for such programmes - which means an ever-increasing need for group facilitators. Ideally the facilitator is a parent too. But seriously, how many parents are jumping at the chance of taking on a group like this? Daunting though it may be, it needn't be all that bad. In fact, there are - inevitably - courses especially tailored for people who would be interested in giving it a go. Eve Kimmerling is a freelance trainer and facilitator who works with the National Parents Council (Primary) and Barnardo's. Among other things, she trains facilitators.
"We stress the importance of evaluating what you're doing," she says, "and one of the best ways of seeing how ideas might work is to do them yourself. "For example, the first thing for a parenting-group facilitator to do is to ensure the parents are all comfortable and feel free to talk in front of one another. A good way to achieve this is by doing `icebreaker' exercises like `Fruit Salad' " - see above - "and this is exactly the sort of thing we start off with on the facilitator course. If you hate it, how will the parents on the programme you're facilitating feel?"
The course run by Kimmerling, "Facilitating Parents' Groups", lasts either one or two days. The primary aim is to equip people to respond to the needs of a particular group. "Usually people who come to do the course come to find out how they can use a particular parenting programme better," she says. "But I say any parenting course should be needs based, not programme based. It is essential to check in with the group of parents and adapt things to meet their needs. "I tell the facilitators to prepare their sessions well, but don't worship the plan - be ready to leave it behind, to be flexible. And then come back to the plan again."
Brigid Teevan has been facilitating the Veritas parenting programme at Loreto Convent, Cavan, for the past four years. She attended the facilitator's course at Barnardo's recently. "I first went to a parenting course at the school to try to figure out my own kids," she says. "But I was so enthusiastic about it that I was asked if I'd like to do the follow-up course and then facilitate the programme myself. "Initially I thought, `oh, no, I don't think so, thank you very much'. But one of the people who designed the Veritas course was giving a talk in Dublin so I went along, and got inspired. "There are now five of us on the Loreto parenting team, which just isn't enough. Recently we got a grant for some of our parents to do the facilitating course, and invited parents from other local schools to come along. "Although I'd been facilitating for a while, I still learned a lot. We had been inclined to stick to the programme rather than letting things flow a bit more naturally. "It gave us more confidence in ourselves - we discussed how to get parents to come, and stay, how to get ideas from them, the importance of building-in time during each session for feedback, how to overcome certain difficulties - and our fears."
Facilitators of parenting courses tend to have pretty similar fears it seems - the big one being: what do you do when you ask a question and no one answers? "The way to avoid most problems is by doing your ground work with the group," Kimmerling says. "If you haven't build up trust among the group, there will be silence - people will just be nervous. "From the outset, it is important that the parents set the agenda, so the course is all about what they want. In a way, as a facilitator you're parenting the group - being nurturing so people will talk, and setting boundaries so you can move on and cover more ground."
Sorting out guidelines with the parents from the start also helps if any conflict arises. "Everyone should have the chance to express an opinion on an issue. If there is some argument, fine. But there has to be mutual respect among the group, and if you have guidelines there, the facilitator can come back to these," Kimmerling says. One of the biggest pitfalls is landing yourself with the role of "expert". "Sometimes parents come looking for advice, but if you try to meet that need, you're not being a facilitator", she explains. "Really, parents don't want to be told what to do. They need a confidence boost and the facilitator should help them see how well they have been doing rather than providing an answer."
Carving out this delicate role for yourself requires a degree of selfawareness, she says. "You need to be able to be honest with yourself, to accept what is and isn't working and to be immediate with the group."
Unfortunately, being a course facilitator can be demanding and time consuming. "I usually start each course asking myself `why am I doing this, I could be at home watching telly', but when you start getting positive feedback from the parents you feel great," Brigid Teevan says.
Contact Point:
National Children's Resource Centre (tel: (01) 454 9699).
