Where does infants' and toddlers' sense of adventure go, asks Tony Humphreys.

Have you ever asked yourself why so many adults do not go for promotion in their jobs, do not pursue further courses of study, do not seek out new friendships and relationships, do not examine new philosophies and spiritualities - and go to the same place for their holidays every year?

The most common answer is that people prefer to play it safe, and not risk failure, success or rejection. To delve into new thinking might demand change, which could trigger ridicule, failure and rejection - and a new holiday destination carries so many unpredictabilities!

What has happened to the sense of adventure that you witness in infants and toddlers? How has it come about that children's natural curiosity and innate love of learning has become eroded?

How can adults who go for the average be a source of inspiration to children? Certainly, the greatest impediment to both children's and adults' progress in living is fear of failure, fear of success and fear of rejection.

One of the reasons why teaching has become such a stressful occupation is that 70 to 80 per cent of students "go for the average" and teachers, as well as hard-pressed parents, find it almost impossible to raise the academic sights of these young people.

I meet many parents who are concerned about their son's or daughter's weak motivation to learning, but who meet with a brick wall when they attempt to raise the matter.

The parents know that their children's academic achievements will play a significant role in determining their career choice and career path. These parents truly wonder why their offspring do not see the logic of their advice and take the necessary remedial action.

However, emotion is always stronger than reason and there are not so apparent causes to children choosing the 50 per cent solution.

What is startling about the solution is that it reduces the most common threats to children's need to feel accepted - failure, success and rejection.

It does this by reducing the expectations of parents and teachers, and children subconsciously know that with a minimum of effort they can reach the average, thereby, paradoxically, eliminating failure, success and rejection in one ingenious stroke!

There are a number of possible reasons for children adopting the 50 per cent solution: imitation of parents' and teachers' own "average" defensive behaviour; unrealistic expectations by parents who are success and prestige addicted; comparison with a sibling who is highly academically achieving; punishment of what parents and teachers perceive as failure experiences; peer influence.

Whatever the causes may be, it is equally important to examine the intentions of the defensive behaviour. Going for the average does have the powerful result of controlling parents' and teachers' expectations, as well as reducing experiences of criticism, hurt and rejection.

If parents and teachers are to have any impact on this protective behaviour, they need to first look to their own approach to life, work and academic challenges. There is no point in parents and teachers asking children to do what they do not do themselves. Children are quick to see the presence of double standards and will resist change.

It is imperative that parents and teachers do not attack, criticise and condemn their children's reluctance to aim academically higher as this will only serve to escalate the defensive reaction.

After all, any attempt to take a weapon from an enemy will result in his holding on to it all the more or his grabbing another weapon. Labelling the young person as lazy, impossible or a loser, or threatening doom and gloom, are not to be recommended.

What is important is to understand the need for the 50 per cent solution and to target those behaviours and aspects of self that the child dare not show - for example, failure, success, high intelligence and love of learning.

Parents would do well to talk about the value and endless learning opportunities that failure provides, the hollowness of success, our limitless intelligence, the adventure of learning and, most of all, give expression to the child's specialness (with no strings attached).

Dr Tony Humphreys is a consultant clinical psychologist and author of Self-Esteem: The Key to Your Child's Future