"The job of the child is to be a terrorist. They get to you from the moment of conception, and I have had parents in their 80s in here concerned about children in their 60s. "In fact, it has to be said, you are still a parent when you're long cold in the grave," chirps Donal Hegarty, a family therapist with the Eastern Health Board. This week is Parenting Awareness Week, organised by Parentline, and among the events taking place is a seminar entitled "1,001 Ways Your Children Can Drive You Crazy", which Hegarty will co-host with psychologist Sheilagh Young and Bernadette Dockery, a community nurse. "The seminar will take a light-hearted look at how children can be children and parents can be parents," says Hegarty. `but parenting is a very serious topic. We learn practically everything in life from living with our family. "We only have one shot at parenting, so if it goes wrong, the consequences are very sad."

Deadly serious, and very demanding. "Parents are expected to be perfect, and they in turn expect their children to be perfect. "But nothing is perfect. Even a new-born baby, wonderful in every way that it is, screams and leaks all over the place. Being on your own with kids for 24 hours is a struggle - after 48 you're demented," Hegarty says.

The range of issues parents find difficult is enormous, he says. "There is no typical difficulty, though adolesence seems to be a time parents find particularly tough. "But the issues which arise are not necessarily a result of the society we live in - I suspect similar issues have always been there. Sex has been around since Adam, people have been drinking since the apple fermented and drugs have been around for many, many years. "What's around now is more a variation on a theme than anything new. The difference is that so many problems parents have are being voiced, which is wonderful, because it allows something to happen, rather than people repeating mistakes."

The source of much of the conflict which arises at any age is unrealistic expectations, Hegarty says. "Parents have expectations their children can't meet and children have expectations the parents can't meet. "Why these unrealistic expectations arise is a bit of a puzzle. I suspect they arise in parents from our sense of our own failure in life, and wanting our children to achieve what we feel we didn't achieve." Valerie McLoughlin is a trainer with Parentline. `I think a certain amount of the unrealistic expectations children have comes from what they see on the television," she says. "But parents seem to have lost confidence in their parenting abilities and don't feel right about asserting their authority in certain matters," she adds. During almost a decade with Parentline, McLoughlin has watched parents struggle to find a "better" way to raise their children. `But in rejecting our own parents' methods, we are left with a void," she says. "There is no role model to turn to when things get tough. "Many parents want to move on from the authoritarian methods they feel gave rise to so many abuses that went unchallenged when they were young. But children need discipline."

Finding the balance, a way to instil discipline without tipping over into authoritarianism, isn't easy, and parents can wind up feeling unsure of themselves. "Children sense the lack of confidence immediately, and young children in particular find it unsettling," McLoughlin says. "They all want to push the boundaries - sometimes parents need to feel more confident about saying no."

However, the balancing act comes into play again, this time between discipline and freedom to grow. "Once we have children, the urge to protect can be overwhelming," Hegarty says. "We tend to forget what we got up to and survived, and we have to give our children the opportunity to take the same risks. "There are times when we advise or inform our children, but we have to let them choose. We also have to let them make mistakes, and feel they can come back to us for support again."

According to McLoughlin, the solution to any problem is unique to the particular family. `I'd never say `this is what you should do'. My advice may have been fine for my child in the same situation, but it won't work for everyone, and then the parent just feels like more of a failure. "When parents call us, nine out of 10 times they have their own solution in mind. All they need is some reassurance."

And it's not all doom and gloom, she says. `We all have good and bad days at everything we do.

Sometimes a call to Parentline is enough to help parents put problems into perspective and see things aren't so bad."

Hegarty agrees. "Parenting is the greatest fun you can have," he says. "Stopping for a moment to look at things through the eyes of one of your children can make it all seem magical. "I have three kids aged 10 to 16 and we're having great fun - even if I do look like the wreck of the Hesperus!"