The pre-teens is not a time that is often written about. Yet it is a time when plenty of things are happening; in fact children are growing up so fast these days that things that usually started in the teens are now noticeably visible in the pre-teens.

By the time your average child is ten she or he will have soiled over 8,000 nappies, watched nearly 9000 hours of television, insisted that "Daddy said I could" over 150 times, lost 29 important telephone messages, said "my friend's mother lets her" 14 times, had a cold at least over 50 times, and cuddled you more times than you can remember.

What worries me about the years from eight to teens is this - girls are starting to have their periods earlier. Starting to menstruate at nine years old is not unusual any more. Therefore hormones are pumping around much earlier than before, which encourages earlier relationships. Add to this all the television - and the type of television - they watch and we have little children who can get into deep water before they know how to paddle. Also, obsessions can spread faster than a flu-bug through a group of children of this age. Talk about Furbeys - every girl of this age wanted one. Then there are the fashion fixations. If you do not realise how important they are just go and take a long look at a group of boys or girls and see the same clothes, styles or labels. It could be the brightly coloured little sparkling hair grips, platform-heeled shoes, baggy designer jeans, or the sports clothes with the trademark ticks or other fancy logos.

I do not know if Boyzone or The Spice Girls will be in or out by the time you read this. Obsessions, fads, toys and idols can come in and go out faster than the speed of light - well alright, I exaggerate a minuscule amount.

So what has changed, you might say. Children have always copied each other, been under peer pressure, dressed alike, worn the same hair-dos. Yes, but not to the same extent, so that if you do not conform it is so obvious and you're O. U. T - out! But what really distinguishes this pre-teen generation is the early age at which they get caught up in all this. And there is the expense of these fashion items.

The advertisers and the companies who produce these designer clothes, items, drinks or whatever, certainly understand the market. Now to take your clothes off and check the labels. (Please note do not hold me liable for any nakedness that ensues!). Do any of you have polo players romping across your chests? I suppose there is not a John Rocha or Louise Kennedy amongst you - now think again - who is label conscious? The young ones are not concerned with fashion labels unless someone or something pushes them to be so.

So yes, we do have to teach our children to have media savvy, to dissect the advertisements and see what they are really trying to do. Discuss the advertisements - who are they aimed at? Why? What is the message that comes across? Do you feel you are being manipulated by this advertisement? Would you pay twice the price for these shoes because they are portrayed as cool?

Teach them to be responsible with money. Set a budget for clothing and stick by it. Let them pick the shoes and learn the true cost of possessions. Let them choose between having one expensive pair of jeans or a nice top and other jeans. Or say you will give a reasonable amount of money for sports shoes and if they go for the high-priced, designer-labelled ones they will have to make up the difference somehow, perhaps by doing extra chores or using birthday or pocket money.

While all this buying and bargaining is going on, do emphasise the moral aspect of all this. Do not forget to keep material possessions in perspective. People are more important than things; having friends and caring for others has more value than mere possessions.

Happiness and self-fulfilment do not come from a pair of trousers but from how we feel about ourselves inside. Encourage our children in all things. Praise them when they finish that English essay - or that job well done. Praise and encourage them for playing a great football match even if they did not win - they did their best.

Self-esteem comes from knowing that we are trying our best in all things, be it our work, our hobby or our parenting. Sometimes that means making unpopular decisions that may go down badly with our children. They may sulk and whinge and pester until they feel we have had enough and are tempted to "give in" for the sake of peace. But that's what being a parent is all about, being loving enough to stand firm when you are unpopular but knowing that for the future of your child it is the right thing to do. Children, especially today, need us to say "NO', that the buck ends here.

As the song goes, You can't always get what you want. For this musical ending I'd like to thank the Rolling Stones, who were the craze in my day.