STAFFROOM: Our sixth class has been Confirmed. The sacrament which heralds their transition into a new phase of maturity in the eyes of the Church was administered early this year. And just like every other year, once they have made the evolution into what used to be called "strong and perfect Christians", they have started displaying their new-found maturity in very predictable ways. Or, as our principal says, "They've kicked."

The girls have been boasting about their boyfriends, who have names from Australian soap-operas. They boast about how good they are at snogging and the number of times they text each other every night. When pressed a little by me, on account of their victimisation of one girl in their midst who admits she has neither boyfriend nor interest in one, they concede that it was all bravado. Craig and Kyle do not exist and the nearest they have got to snogging is on the pages of the magazines they read - which have articles with titles like "How to Prevent Your Braces From Locking When You Snog Him". Lovely, eh?

And do they really understand what they are accusing one another of when they say things like: "Do you think X is really frigid or is it just a phase?"

Into all this comes a new tool in the love stakes - the mobile phone.

We can threaten to tell their parents and issue dire warnings about such goings-on. We can smile a little afterwards at the cocktail of hormones, peer-pressure, innocence and partial information that they are experiencing.

But we don't envy them.