QUALITY bus corridors, rising house prices, corrupt politicians, lack of childcare facilities, the cost of the latest Manchester United football strip. Has your blood pressure shot up yet? If not, you are in a minority. It seems stress levels for most of us have increased at a similar pace to economic growth. Have you noticed how aggressive other drivers have become? Or how casual and dismissive shop assistants are? Perhaps it is all symptomatic of the negative aspects of prosperity. The outcome of our new-found status is a population which appears less caring and more interested in promoting self-interest. In the middle of all this material mayhem, it is important for parents not to lose sight of the core values. How many of the following do you do on a regular basis?
Talk to your children. Do you know what your children did at school today? If not, why not? Maybe you had to finish a report at work and they were in bed when you arrived home. Or they were too busy playing with their friends. Or could it be that they are just not used to having a chat with their parents? Try to develop a genuine interest in what they are doing or saying, no matter how silly it may sound.
Play with your child. There can surely be no more rewarding experience for a parent than getting lost in the child's world. Let the child lead the activity. Your child likes nothing more than spending time with parents - no toy or bag of sweets is more cherished.
Playing with your children is probably the best antidote to the trials of bringing home a wage packet; it reminds you what all the struggling is really about. Children are untouched by rat races, corruption and one-upmanship. Theirs is a simple approach - one to which parents need to return.
Tell your child about your own experiences. Younger children love to hear about what life was like when Mammy and Daddy were the same age as themselves. This is also a very useful strategy if you suspect that your child is experiencing some difficulties. For example, if you suspect that your child is being bullied, talking about someone who gave you a hard time when you were young can be a very useful way of getting the child to open up. You can apply the same approach to night-time fears, a new baby in the home or any situation which you suspect might be worrying you child. This can also be a helpful way to introduce those awkward topics for older children and early teens. Describing the awkwardness you felt as a teenager can be a lot more diplomatic than asking, "Are you worried about all those spots on your face?"
Listen. It's not an easy skill. One of the greatest traits a parent can develop is to stop trying so hard. There seems to be an intensity within families that demands that activities have to be happening at all times. What about making one of those activities doing nothing at all? That is, just hanging out with each other, with no TV, music, computer or radio. Go for a walk and let your child do the talking. Sit and simply shoot the breeze. Try to say nothing. Let your child lead the conversation. As Ronan Keating has reminded us recently, "You say it best when you say nothing at all."
Be yourself. There is no such thing as a perfect parent or a perfect child. Parents often aspire to be something to their children which is unrealistic. You may try and pack a whole day's fun into the two hours from the time you come home until bedtime. You may try to make up for the guilt over lost time by buying toys or treats. This is not necessary. Being trendy or overly generous will not enhance the relationship with your child. Being yourself will. That means getting into the habit of leaving work outside the hall door and tuning into the home environment as you find it.
Inform your child about what is happening. When parents become caught up in the daily struggle to maintain their 1990s lifestyle, they often forget to let their children know what is going on. "Get in the car, we're going out" is not uncommon. They are expected to maintain the pace at which their parents are moving - while also reading their minds! It is advisable for parents to inform their children about what is upcoming. This serves to ensure that there will be no resistance to necessary routines. It should also be kept in mind that children are very perceptive. If there is tension between spouses, the children will invariably pick it up. It is not necessary to explain intimate details, but children should not be excluded from differences of opinion between spouses. Children worry much more when they do not know what is happening. One of our biggest fears is the fear of the unknown - children are no different.
Watch your child. Children like nothing better than their parents watching their activities. Whether this involves observing the creation of an artistic masterpiece, cringing as your child rides a bicycle with no supports for the first time or freezing on the sideline of a football pitch for an hour, your child will appreciate it.
Be present. Stress makes us spend all our time reflecting on the past and planning for the future. It means we miss the most important time of all. Try to come into the present and enjoy the magic and beauty of your children as they are today. Make the time to exclude all the daily hassles which, on reflection, are so unimportant.
Say no sometimes. There is a temptation to try to make up for lost time through material goods. However, this can lead to frustrations on both sides when it eventually becomes impossible to supply all your child's desires. Comics have to be replaced by computer games which have to be replaced by a mobile phone which has to be replaced by a tattoo.
The cycle goes on. Children need to learn that there is give and take in most aspects of daily living. Do not be trapped by the ever-present "Everyone else has one!"
