STAFFROOM: The subject of interruptions came up the other day in the staffroom. Non-teachers would be truly astounded at the number, nature and frequency of interruptions to work in the average primary school classroom - and no doubt things are much the same at second level.

Chief culprit, of course, must be the poor bladder control in our youth, with trips to the toilet causing a steady stream (no pun intended, honestly) of traffic up and down school. Permission to go, of course, cannot be withheld in a civilised society, but what teacher hasn't noticed a correlation between such visits and phenomena such as spelling or times-table tests, correction of written homework and certain subject areas.

It constantly amazes our staff that nobody ever needs to spend a penny during art and craft. Never. Bladder capacity at this time is so good that perhaps medics dealing with incontinence problems might consider incorporating sponge paintings, leaf rubbings or clay modelling into their treatment programmes for similar startling results.

We then covered the uninvited guest category of interruptions such as the dreaded wasp, which is guaranteed to scupper any lesson. Any attempt to continue with your Irish poem Bronntanas while this creature hovers in the air would be comparable to suggesting to a group of picnickers that, despite the nearby presence in the field of a large, foot-stamping animal with a ring on the end of his nose, we might first finish up the picnic.