If you think some event in your children's life will affect their ability to learn in school, then find some way of informing the school. If your child is feeling upset, worried or fearful, teachers will welcome any information and will be in a position to offer support and make allowances.
If your child is dealing with a very traumatic event, such as the death of a close relative or a major upset within the family, it is advisable to call into the school and meet with the principal, the form teacher, the class teacher, the guidance counsellor, the year head and/or whomever you consider appropriate.
If you have a particularly good relationship with one teacher, it may suit you best to approach this person first.
If you cannot call personally, send a note or make a telephone call. Sometimes, if the information is not too personal or sensitive, it is sufficient to ask the secretary to pass the information discreetly to the relevant teacher.
It may be sufficient to send a note through your child or in the now-familiar homework journal. The important thing is to get the information to the relevant teacher.
As a teacher, I find it of great benefit - and a source of relief - when children are "off-colour" to receive information about something either within the school or outside which may be causing the difficulties.
The causes can range from the very serious to the trivial. But it helps us, as teachers, and your child if we are told what is happening.
Among some of the situations I have come across which can affect children's school life are:
the trauma of a death in the family. Schools will generally be in a position to offer direction on bereavement support.
the death of a friend or peer.
the death or loss of a family pet. I have known smaller children to suffer greatly even when they lost a favourite cuddly toy.
serious illness in the family. I remember one child who said to her teacher every evening: "I just hope Dad will still be alive when I get home."
marital separation or divorce. There may be anger at either spouse, financial instability, change of house, loss of prestige in the child's mind and a huge sense of insecurity and unhappiness. In many cases where the adults make appropriate arrangements for the care and welfare of the children there will be fewer problems. However, the children will still be affected and teachers should be made aware of the situation.
conflict in the home between spouses. This may affect children's sleeping patterns, leave them insecure and unhappy and cause them to be angry.
conflict in the home between siblings. If a child is being "picked on" and the parent has difficulty dealing with the situation the child will suffer.
a member of the family having moved out of home or out of an area.
drug or alcohol misuse within the family. If a parent, in particular, is addicted to drugs or alcohol, there are generally financial difficulties, conflict and a general atmosphere of anger, worry and insecurity.
loss of employment in the family. This can lead to almost totally changed circumstances - huge financial, emotional, psychological and even physical stresses on parents. School may be of little importance and interest to a child at a time like this.
a change of address. Schools are not always notified about one of life's biggest causes of stress even for us adults.
a child's bicycle having been stolen.
the family car having been stolen.
a fire in the home.
conflict with the neighbours.
bullying after school or on the school-bus.
a condition such as a rash or scar.
fear of a particular pupil or teacher in the school. It is really important that this information be passed to the school.
an inability to do homework.
a fear of failure at schoolwork.
anxiety about changing for physical education or swimming, particularly in the early teen years.
having parents away on holidays. Younger children may miss their parents and be affected by the change of routine; older children may suffer from fatigue due to loss of sleep!
a change of child-minder.
a fear of injections.
anxiety about exams or tests.
This is not a comprehensive list, but if your child is being affected by one or more of these problems his or her ability to concentrate, to cope with and to work in school will be affected. If the school is made aware, you can work together in providing extra support.
Anything, major or trivial, which is causing difficulties for your children is real to their lives and must be dealt with. If the problems are major, your children urgently need support and understanding. If they appear to be trivial but are affecting your children, they will hopefully be dealt with between you and the school pretty easily and quickly.
You can be assured of confidentiality. If there are major problems, such as addiction, violence, abuse or financial difficulties, we may as parents be reluctant or ashamed to tell people at school. However, it is unlikely this will be the first time that they will have met this type of problem.
