Enda Kenny assembled his pack of eager Dáil candidates to smile for the camera and follow his five-pointed star
AND they looked up to the sky and saw a five-pointed star.
“Follow that star!” cried Enda. “‘Tis the vurry same as the Fine Gael logo and I like to think of it as Fine Gael’s plan to get Ireland back to work!” Or words to that effect.
Enda’s pentacles will be massive in Election Eleven.
(One of his key advisers was once a marketing whiz in Bord Fáilte, which may, or may not, be relevant. Five-pointed stars – the new shamrock, the new symbol. Can’t you just imagine the brainstorming session that went on?) So he gathered his disciples around him on the steps of the Mansion House and there, they did simper for the cameras. And lo (actually, they were elevated on a hydraulic platform) the photographers did snap and the Noonan did banter and the double-barrelled ladies did jostle for position at their leader’s right hand.
That would be the Mary of the Mitchell-O’Connor and the Majella of the Corcoran-Kennedy and the Fidelma of the Healy-Eames.
Sunday morning, Dublin, and this was Fine Gael’s pre-election election launch and Enda was introducing his 102 Dáil-matians. Correction, candidates.
At this point, we must confess we were not entirely concentrating on the matter in hand, as we were expecting to get a call at any minute from the Bloomsbury Set, asking us to join their ranks. Fintan, McWilliams, Ross, Dunphy ...
But none there came.
Feckers.
Enda will take anyone.
“One hundred and two proud and committed men and women” was what was written in the speech he wisely decided not to deliver to the Dáilmatians.
“Proud and committed” he would have repeated. (Were they out on day release?) There was a one-hour briefing for the aspirant TDs before the media launch. They were given information packs which included a “facts, figures and quotes” guide to Election Eleven.
“Critical to every election campaign is access to the right information when you need it most. This document will hopefully be of assistance to you over the coming weeks of the campaign as you prepare for media interviews, public
meetings and when out canvassing” writes director of elections Big Phil Hogan, in the foreword.
There’s a page on “Killer Quotes from the Two Brians”, featuring some of Cowen and Lenihan’s best pronouncements.
Each Minister is covered under “attack points” and “FG selling points” and some “useful quotes” are appended for candidates to throw into arguments.
The booklet also lists party policy, Fianna Fáil’s “legacy” and details of cutbacks that Fine Gael intends to make if in power.
But back to Enda’s pentacle, his five-pointed star, his sheriff’s badge. If he makes it to the taoiseach’s office, will Government Buildings be
renamed The Pentagram?
He has a five-point platform to economic recovery. As he said
last Thursday – rolling out the brand for the first time – “I like to think of Fine Gael’s plan to get Ireland working as a five-pointed star. A bright star, giving clarity, confirming our co-ordinates for what will be a difficult journey to the better future ahead.” But the most important platform yesterday was the “scissor lift”. Enda’s people have a fixation with cherry-pickers and high-rise machinery.
They can’t seem to have a photocall without doing some sort of aerial manoeuvre.
This occasion was all about the photo. True, the party leader
held a brief press conference outside the Mansion House, but you could hardly hear him with the noise of the traffic and the giddy small talk of the candidates wedged into the canopied stairway behind him.
There was a hush, though, when Enda was asked again about the leadership debates. He neatly sidestepped the question. Mad to debate, he is, and to tell everyone about his five-pointed star.
He probably didn’t notice the posters, mimicking his own from the last election, put up on lamp-posts near the Mansion House.
The message was changed: “Free Enda Kenny. Attn: FG Handlers – Let Enda Debate!” Big Phil Hogan supervised the happy crush on the steps: “Get in there Nicky! In there beside Majella,” he instructed Senator Nicky McFadden, propelling her through the journalists and into the frame.
Then everyone moved to the courtyard for the crucial overhead shot.
Photographers were loaded onto the scissors lift and raised up. Candidates readied themselves, taking off their winter coats.
Deputy Catherine Byrne, the no-nonsense deputy for Dublin South Central, wasn’t impressed.
“If I knew this was going to happen, I wudda worn me terminal knickers.”
The party leader, their five-star general, stood in the middle of his people. His Dáilmatians looked up at the cameras, resembling extras from a sci-fi movie pretending to be transfixed by a flying saucer hovering overhead.
Enda had three hands – two by his side and a third (flaunting lovely black nail varnish) resting on his hip. Upon closer inspection, the disembodied hand belonged to one of the double-barrels: Majella Corcoran-Kennedy of Laois Offaly.
Deputy Kenny has had an Election Eleven makeover.
No attempt at the funky hair gel debacle of election 2007. Oh, no.
Bouffant eyebrows instead.
The curtain comes down tomorrow on the 30th Dáil. “Tuesday is Lá Fhéile Bríde. The Celtic year turns, bringing new hope, new possibility, new life,” quivered Enda, discovering his mystical side as his make or break moment nears.
St Brigid’s Day.
And we thought of Antaine Ó Raifteirí, the blind poet, and what he had to say: “Now with the springtime/The days will grow longer/And after St Bride’s day/ My sail I’ll let go/I put my mind to it/And I never will linger/Till I find myself back/In the County Mayo.”
Enda is sailing in an Opel Zafira, his face emblazoned across the passenger doors and bigging up his FG pentacles as he goes.
