ZIMBABWE:THE FIRST time Andrew was forced to beat an opposition supporter, he wanted to weep in sympathy. But it would have been suicidal to show pity in front of the ruling party youth militia leaders forcing him to commit the violence.
"You feel like you want to cry, but you don't expose your tears," he said. "I feel pity beating someone, but there's nothing I can do."
For Andrew and thousands of other young men in Zimbabwe, life has come down to a painfully simple equation: If you don't beat your victim hard enough, you may be next. On the eve of Zimbabwe's presidential run-off election, this correspondent spoke to three people who said they were forced to be part of an intimidation force that has killed, beaten and threatened opponents of incumbent president Robert Mugabe.
Reports from independent human rights organisations support the accounts by the three, who said they had been forced into ruling party militia bases.
In door-to-door searches in recent weeks, youths acting on behalf of Mr Mugabe's ruling Zanu-PF have randomly rounded up thousands of men to join them in operating about 900 "re-education" bases across the country, designed to intimidate voters.
Andrew said militia members spent their nights drinking beer, smoking marijuana, singing Zanu-PF liberation war songs, beating drums, patrolling the neighbourhood and beating supporters of the opposition Movement for Democratic Change, sometimes fatally.
The enforced "volunteers" are divided into groups of 15 or 20 and given iron bars to beat people, Andrew said. The militia members who lead the attacks carry axes, machetes, knives, and bows and arrows.
"Two times, my group beat someone to death," Andrew said. His surname and age and the base's location are being withheld because of the risk to him.
Andrew, in his 20s, has been forced to go to a base with about 200 other men every night since June 1st. "I have seen six people die." His face is youthful and unlined. His expression belies his internal struggle. Sometimes he feels he's going mad.
The compulsory shifts are from 6pm to 6am. Andrew said he felt a silent desperation impelling him to flee. Yet if he did, he said, his family would be beaten or killed. Besides, the national network of militia bases is too extensive to escape from. He would be captured and beaten wherever he ran. "We've got nowhere to go," he said.
He stared wistfully into the distance, speaking softly. "I wish I could find somewhere to stay, somewhere to go, because I feel like I could go mad somehow. I wish someone would come and help us."
Since Mr Mugabe came second in the March 29th poll, top military and security chiefs have taken over the party's run-off campaign, running it as if it were a war.
Andrew and others in the re-education bases target those who were seen wearing MDC T-shirts in the past, and those who celebrated in bars when the MDC outperformed Zanu-PF in the March balloting. According to Andrew, several dozen females ages 15 to 25 have been kidnapped to serve as sex slaves for the Zanu-PF youth militias, war veterans and soldiers at the base. "They are being raped," he said.
Another forced volunteer, Tendai, in his 20s, said: "If a girl doesn't go to the base, her parents will be victimised."
For Tobaiwa (33), another young man forced to stay at a base near Harare, it has been weeks since he could take a bath or relax. His sole aim in life is to avoid being beaten or killed. His sweater is dusty. He looks and sounds exhausted. For the last two weeks, he has spent every night at the base, going to work during the day.
"I sleep at the base, except there's no sleep," he said. "If you are found sleeping, they pour water on you and then they beat you up . . . We will be singing, dancing, going around the neighbourhood. If you meet someone you don't know, you take that person to the base."
The youth militias at the base demand that the captive recite Zanu-PF slogans; if he makes a mistake, he is beaten, said Tobaiwa, who denied taking part in the beatings.
He was beaten with a wooden stick last weekend, he said, for failing to attend a political re- education meeting, as he was at work. "It was a terrifying experience. I thought they would kill me. I felt really angry. The beating was so thorough I could not walk for two days."
The level of violence in any area depends on the commanders and liberation war veterans in charge of the local base. Some Zanu-PF officials say any means to keep Mugabe in power are justified. Others, used to spending their days in boardrooms or government offices, seem more uncomfortable with the violence.
One Harare-area commander, with his elegant suit, soft voice and smile marks around the eyes, almost winces when asked about the meeting in his area where ruling party officials and war veterans decided that it was necessary to deploy "minimal use of force" to "help" people to understand why they must keep Mugabe after 28 years in office.
His head tilts to the side. He smiles and almost answers the question.
But not quite.
"We don't tell them [the youth militias] to use minimum use of violence. We just look aside when they go out and gather the people," he said, smiling.
"Actually we don't talk about minimal use of violence; we talk about encouraging people to vote the right way. It's like any war. Different commanders use different strategies."
At his base, he said, "we are able to talk and laugh and get people to loosen up. In other areas, the speeches may not be so eloquent. They may use threats and beat people up. Those areas are so regimented it's like a military camp."
With every beating Tendai inflicts on someone else, he feels that he is doing some invisible but irreversible damage to himself.
"We feel like victims, forced to kill innocent people who are fighting for their rights," he said. "This is causing permanent damage to us, mentally.
"We will remember this time for as long as we live."