THE LAST STRAW/Frank McNally: It's well known that Spanish is a colourful language. But even allowing for something lost in the translation, Spanish manager Jose Camacho used a very interesting phrase to dismiss suggestions that his team had been lucky to beat Ireland last Sunday.
THE On the contrary, he argued - and here I quote, with all due apologies - "it's the Irish who have a flower in their arses".
I'm indebted to my colleague, Mary Hannigan, for recording his expression, and I'd be equally indebted to anyone who can explain it. It's certainly not something I've heard discussed on RTÉ's Ask About Gardening; although come to think of it, it would be fun to imagine the conversation. Gerry Daly: "We have a caller on line one - go ahead caller." Caller: "Hello Gerry. I have an embarrassing problem with a flower . . ." My guess is the panel would advise moving the plant to somewhere with more sunshine.
Perhaps the phrase has its origins in an ancient Spanish blessing: "May the road rise to meet you, may your horticulture thrive in unexpected ways." Or maybe it derives from one of the eccentric festivals for which Spain is famous, like the great tomato fight of Bunol, or the Running of the Bulls. It's hard to see how the location of a flower in the area described by Mr Camacho could equate with good luck; and yet as some veterans of bull-running know from painful experience, there are worse things you can locate there.
Maybe its something about the "hot seat" of football management, but Camacho's phrase is in keeping with a theme of Ireland's World Cup adventures under Mick McCarthy. You'll remember that last autumn, McCarthy promised he would "bear my backside in Burton's window" if Jason McAteer didn't find a buyer soon. Much to the relief of shoppers, McAteer's winter sale took place before Burton's. But when Ireland beat Saudi Arabia, McCarthy was at it again, describing how it felt to sit in the dug-out with his "backside in the bacon-slicer". It's probably just as well we got knocked out of the tournament before this went any further, or somebody would have to write a thesis about it.
A WHILE ago, responding to a sceptical reader who questioned my acceptance of the official crowd estimate - "half a million" - at the St Patrick's Day parade in Dublin, I pleaded that figures and journalists didn't always mix, or even drink in the same pubs. But if we learned anything from Sunday's World Cup heartbreak, it is that Irish numeracy skills in general are not what they should be. I'm referring to the fact that during the extra-time in Suwon, neither Irish team nor management realised the Spaniards were down to an estimated 10 men. I say an estimated 10, because Mr Camacho, in developing his horticultural metaphor, claimed it was "nine-and-a-half". But whatever the exact number, it seems to have escaped detection. In Mick McCarthy's defence, it might be said that the standard 10 outfield players are a lot to keep track of, especially when they just won't stand still. Against which it must be said that by extra-time on Sunday, none of the eight-and-a-half/nine Spanish outfield players was moving much. Also, managers have developed elaborate systems to break down the numbers into more manageable units - 4-4-2, 3-4-3, and so on - so surely somebody should have noticed the Spaniards didn't add up.
The numeracy problem extended to the Irish homecoming, when the authorities overruled a city centre celebration on the grounds that a crowd of up to 100,000 would create unacceptable safety risks. This despite the claim, as Michael Collins of Dublin 12 again writes to remind me, that the city allegedly coped with five times this number on St Patrick's Day. Either the city fathers seriously underestimated their abilities this week, or overestimated the March 17th turn-out. Or perhaps it was six of one and half a dozen of the other (making a total of 14).
The Koreans have no such problems. As you may have read, "4.27 million" of them took to the streets to celebrate beating Italy. This was according to the national police agency, which put the figure for Seoul alone at "1.76 million". It's hard to know which is more impressive: the precision of the police figures, or the fact that there were no incidents (come to think of it, the two may not be unrelated). But the bottom line is that it's no surprise the Koreans were able to take advantage when Italy went down to 10 men.
Speaking of bottom lines, by the time most of you read this, Korea will have won or lost this morning's quarter-final against Spain. Either way, I look forward to Mr Camacho's analysis of the game.
fmcnally@irish-times.ie