OPPOSITION TO TREATY:There was a bewildering display of politicking to be found on O'Connell Street yesterday
NO. HOW MANY ways shall I say thee? Non. Ne. No. Nein. Níl.
The full deck of European Nos pitched up at the GPO yesterday, laden with loudspeakers, banners and the weight of several rain forests in leaflets.
And ne, before you ask: at lunchtime, fewer than 48 hours before polling day, there was no trace of a Yes, Oui, Si, Ja, or Sea on the capital's main street, host to one of the highest footfalls in Europe. Nul points to them, then.
First up, at 10 sharp, was Attac from Berlin, unfolding a life-size parade of EU leader cut-outs with their fingers in their ears, wherein - oh non! - our Taoiseach had been rendered a full foot smaller than little M Sarkozy, and by lunchtime, had a rifle swinging from his neck.
It was all about "Ein anderes Europa ist möglich", (or Another Europe is Possible, if you're not down with the lingo), said Lony Ackermann, a Berlin fire protection expert who had said a big, fat nein to her rent, phone and health insurance bills for a month "so we could pay to come here and fight".
In one small space swarming with pedestrians and journalists from France, Denmark, Germany, Belgium and Cork, Lony's head was spinning with all the attention until it transpired that she was merely an hors d'oeuvre for le coq de la promenade, Gerry Adams.
Meanwhile, a man on a bike started a small war by announcing that he intended to vote No - a declaration adjudged to identify him as a Sinn Féiner by an ex-garda who yelled that a colleague of his had been shot by the IRA.
"You're on the IRA's side," bellowed the ex-garda to the cyclist who, having triggered several little side wars by now, cycled blithely on.
Whether that blunted Sinn Féin's plan for a presidential walkabout wasn't clear. But suddenly the media were being summoned down the pavement to the Royal Dublin Hotel where the Sinn Féiners had stalled.
For Adams, treaty star Mary Lou McDonald, Arthur Morgan, Bairbre de Brún and Sean Crowe, the media scrum must have evoked a sense of the heady old days.
There was a lot of talk as Gaeilge - as if the foreign crews weren't already confused enough - and back in campaign HQ, from which the pesky foreign lot and their annoyingly extraneous queries were excluded, Mary Lou's admirably even-handed message to the populace is to "read all the available literature - from ALL sides".
Back at the GPO, Cóir is giving a little stand-up for the French television cameras. "I think it's very tight at the moment," says Ide Nic Mhathuna, when asked how she thinks the electorate is shaping up.
After chucking in words such as "bullies", "dictators" and "arrogance", she bristles when asked to explain her attitude since it was European largesse that "built up Ireland".
"We are in the EU since 1973 . . . for years after that, 40,000 people were leaving every year, but no one ever refers to that. It's insulting to say that the EU built us up.
"We are an educated and skilled people . . . ", she finishes winningly, clinching it with the declaration that Europe gained billions more from our fisheries than we got from it.
Merveilleux! The French lads are delighted with her.
Meanwhile, the Anti-War Movement has turned up in the shape of Richard Boyd-Barrett and friends, who, to Lony's intense irritation, pitch up beside her with a loudspeaker that drowns her out.
As Boyd-Barrett bellows on about "Stalinistic dictatorships" and Lony's polite protest is roundly ignored, she removes the fake rifle from Brian Cowen's neck and walks the length of a horrified anti-war brigade, taking a "shot" at each one. "She'd better stop that carry-on," says one of them grimly.
Well, you have been a bit rude, comments The Irish Times.
"She can go somewhere else tonight if she doesn't stop," he says. Can you make her? "Yeah. She's staying with me."
Ah. So that's how world peace will be achieved.
Into the mix comes blue-shirted Libertas, and its very courteous model-turned-auctioneer from Sligo, Olivia Kelly, who is still canvassing for the Lord but is a kind of refugee from Grafton Street because "there are very few Irish people up there".
Youths in balaclavas are running around shouting "No to Lisbon!" and thrusting "Top Secret" envelopes at startled citizens, which reveal themselves to be a rather tasteless Eircom promotion.
Noel O Cainte is handing out leaflets about the Schengen debacle ("nothing to do with Lisbon", he agrees) pointing out that Irish citizens' freedom of movement within the EU is not guaranteed beyond the end of the year.
Thomas O'Donovan from Tarbert has written A Ballad for Ireland - chorus: "So Irish people everywhere let's get off our worn knees/And stand up tall and strong/With no bullies to appease" so he'll be a No then.
Joe Higgins's Socialist Party has set up a stall. And the Campaign Against the EU Constitution (CAEUC) has a 33-page "Vote NO" booklet to give away.
One last thing: a Danish TV journalist notes that they too have a referendum (on opt-outs from Maastricht) coming soon.
"If the Irish vote No, the Danish government can't possibly have the vote. Forget about it," he says wearily.
And the Danish PM has his eye on the EU presidency plum, so this is personal. Isn't that job attracting a suspiciously lengthy queue?