Dáil Sketch: For two self-confessed socialists the Taoiseach and Joe Higgins rarely appear on the same side of an argument.
They found no common ground on Eircom. Their relationship was all at sea over Irish Ferries. And when Aer Lingus forced their rivalry into the air yesterday, it became a fight to death between the Red Baron (that'd be Joe) and Bertie "Biggles" Ahern, with neither man taking prisoners.
Mr Higgins fired the first shot when he assured the Taoiseach that selling the airline would be "one of the most outstanding acts of economic treachery" in the history of the State. Then, strafing the benches behind Mr Ahern, he berated Fianna Fáil's North Dublin TDs for their failure to protest. "A collapsed rugby scrum would emit more intelligible grunts," he scoffed. Aer Lingus workers would have been better off electing "cabbage heads from the local vegetable farms" to represent them.
When the Taoiseach responded, it was in equally vigorous terms.
The Socialist Party's theories would have closed the airline years ago. Then, aiming at Joe's undercarriage, he said: "He [Deputy Higgins] argued for years about how great the countries of eastern Europe were and how we should be the same." Now his brand of politics had disappeared "even in the most eastern parts of the communist world".
The Taoiseach eye-balled his adversary and added: "Your day and your old arguments are finished."
Not for the first time Mr Higgins was outraged at the "slanderous" comparison between his beliefs and the Stalinism of the old eastern bloc. "The truth is always slanderous," responded Bertie, in a claim that, if proven, would be a major setback for libel law reform.
The Minister for Transport then weighed in, calling the SP's politics "the rubbish we heard in the sixties".
Mr Higgins countered that if he were the Minister "I'd hide".
To which Mr Cullen replied: "You'll never find me hiding."
Pat Rabbitte compared Aer Lingus with the privatisation of Eircom - "an unmitigated national disaster".
He also recalled the enthusiasm with which the Minister responsible had promoted that sale. "[ Mary O'Rourke] was just short of doing a Molly Malone on it in O'Connell Street, going up and down with her wheelbarrow".
Now it was Mr Cullen's turn. But Mr Rabbitte asked the Taoiseach: "Would you buy a second-hand voting system from this Minister?"
A delegation from Reykjavik, led by President Petursdottir, had visited the House while the Taoiseach was discussing the North and the politics of the latest atrocity. The people from the country of the geysers would have felt right at home. The peace process is a bit like the Icelandic interior: a glacial plateau where little happens except that the surface is disturbed, every so often, by violent eruptions from below.
The Taoiseach promised Enda Kenny he would press on with his latest initiative. But he sounded resigned. Whenever a bit of momentum built up in the North "something always happens".
