HEALTH PLUSWhat can be done in your household to help the Leaving Cert student?, asks Marie Murray
AS THE countdown to the Leaving Cert exams is being measured in hours, most households that have a Leaving Cert student will be aware of its imminence.
Of course the degree to which having a son or daughter "doing" the Leaving Cert affects a household is specific to each family. For some homes there is little disruption. The student is calm, parents are confident.
All that can be done has been done. This is more likely to happen in homes where parents have already had the experience of supporting children successfully through the Leaving Cert and where students have learnt from siblings how to manage exams.
Other households may be on edge, with everyone experiencing the Leaving Certificate for the first time and feeling trepidation about what lies ahead. Parents may become so concerned and involved that tension levels rise with each passing hour.
Many homes will be between the two extremes, trying to minimise the fuss while supporting the student. It is a delicate balance.
As in most situations in life there is no one prescription, no singular approach for parents to take to manage things at home during the Leaving Cert exams. Each family has to find its own way, to find the balance between the reasonable requirements of the student and the fair entitlements of other household members over the next few weeks.
Each family has to contain its own stress and that of the exam student and each family has to organise itself around the actual exam schedule in its own personal style.
What is known about supporting students is that the best people to advise on that are the students themselves. Students are the experts on what they need.
It avoids speculation if parents simply ask them what would be helpful for them at this time. It is always useful to decide on specifics such as food and snacks, transport and clothes, finance and noise.
Some students like the involvement of their parents during the exams. Others prefer parents to stay back a little and allow them to get on with it in their own way.
Some students like to talk about their worries and fears and to have an available listening sympathetic parental ear. Others hate to be asked anything at all and avoid conversations which make them tense.
Some students like the importance of the household being organised around their exams. Others hate a change in routine and prefer that things continue in the usual way.
Of course most students benefit by being relieved of household tasks during the exams. It is not the time to talk about tidiness, laundry, making beds, emptying dishwashers or cutting the grass.
A large wall chart of the exam timetable is useful with dates double checked in diaries. It is helpful if parents ensure that several back-up alarms are set for exam mornings because the consequences of oversleeping are grim.
Few students will complain if the fridge is filled with favourite foods and healthy snacks. This is an ideal time to treat the student to favourites.
Students will welcome household noise being monitored and their siblings' friends not invading the house when they are studying. They will not welcome admonitions to relax - for who can relax on parental command.
Most students benefit if transport to and from the exams is worked out in advance: whether they get a lift, drive themselves, get the bus, Dart, Luas, cycle or walk? What is important is organisation: exact fare money, or petrol in the car, the bike in good order.
It is helpful if a realistic time to get to the exam is decided on in advance always allowing for traffic jams and delays. It is often advised that students do not drive themselves to their first exams if they are nervous as even a minor bump with another car can have major consequences on the day.
At an emotional level exam time is not the time for criticism of what the student has or has not done. It is not the time to suggest that the student might have studied earlier, committed himself or herself more vigorously, focused more diligently or forgone activities that took from study time.
All of these parental perspectives may be reasonable. It may even be useful to raise them at another time if the student is entering into another serious study commitment after the Leaving Cert. But now is not the time.
Now is the time to offer acceptance, understanding, love and support and perhaps a funny card to cheer them on their way.
mmurray@irish-times.ie
Marie Murray is director of the Student Counselling Services in UCD and author of Surviving The Leaving Cert: Points for Parents published by Veritas