Many of us have goals and aspirations for the new year, but how we approach them is key to our chances of success, writes Carmel Wynne
Do you look to the future with joy and anticipation of wonderful things to come? Or are you a born worrier, someone who believes it is best to be prepared for the worst, so that you won't be too disappointed if things go wrong?
Have you goals for what you want out of life in 2006? Most people have nebulous ideas about changes they want to make in the new year. Some will make resolutions to lose weight, take exercise or spend quality time with the children.
Two weeks into January, a minority will have jumped into action and be doing well. Even though the majority have good intentions and want good results, many will already have abandoned their efforts. A small number never even get started on the promised regime.
There is a widespread belief that if a person fails to carry out his or her resolutions, he or she lacks willpower or is weak-willed. Whether you achieve your goals or not has little to do with willpower and much to do with understanding goal-setting and motivational strategies.
When setting a goal, ask yourself: "What do I want?" "For what purpose do I want this, and when?" and "What will it do for me?" You are more likely to succeed if you write down your goals. It's surprising how many of us are very clear about what we don't want but find it difficult to be specific about what we desire and why. State your desired outcome in positive terms.
Say your goal is: "I don't want to be a couch potato." To change that to a positive statement, ask yourself: "When I don't want to be a couch potato, what is it that I do want?" This will elicit the positive goal, "I want to be fit and healthy by Easter."
And to follow on: "For what purpose do I want this?" "Because I want to look and feel good."
Some people will be strongly motivated to look good, but the sacrifice of giving up the junk food saps the good intention. "What will looking good do for me?" is a question that will clarify if your motivation is strong enough to do what is required to get your desired outcome.
Unfortunately, there is no gain without pain. To achieve the results you want, you will have to change your habits and that usually means giving up a pleasure you enjoy.
There is always more than one reason for taking action. Deep down, we want the good feelings we expect to enjoy when we achieve our outcome. Suppose a man's goal is to spend more time with his children. To gain time with them, he has to lose it somewhere else. He may have to give up reading the paper or miss a programme on television. His payback is that he feels good about himself as a father and he no longer feels guilty for neglecting them.
The two strongest motivations for all your behaviours are to experience pleasure and avoid pain. The desire for pleasure is reflected in your efforts to get what you think you want. Your attempts to gain personal benefits like approval, power, control or love unconsciously motivate every desire you have.
The desire to avoid pain, discomfort or criticism is behind much of what you do or fail to do. You may not be consciously aware of this, but avoiding discomfort is the powerful motivator behind most of the things that people do under duress.
One of the reasons why people don't maintain the effort to achieve what they genuinely want is fear of failure. Low achievers set themselves up for failure. They do this unconsciously in order to remain within their comfort zone, thus sabotaging their own efforts.
Say your new year resolution is to walk for 30 minutes a day. Whether you succeed in achieving that or not will be powerfully influenced by your own internal dialogue, what you tell yourself you are capable of achieving. Many of us fail to achieve our goals because we talk to ourselves in a negative way. We don't consciously set ourselves up to fail, but we sabotage our own efforts with negative inner dialogue.
What I say to myself is incredibly powerful. I can be empowered or disempowered by that little voice in my head. What I tell myself becomes true for me. If I tell myself walking in the snow is fresh and exhilarating, that will be my experience. If I say, "Snow is miserably cold and freezing", that's exactly what I will experience.
Author Iyanla Vansant says, "What you allow yourself to be reflects what you have told yourself you are." That's a thought worth pondering when you engage in that inner dialogue about your future achievements and new year's resolutions.